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October 12, 2011

Inside the Circle: For my Friend

 In 2004, upon the death of my friend, mentor, and kindred spirit, Mil Lubroth, I wrote a cycle of poems. Each poem represents a day in the first week after her passing. The poem below is the first in the cycle, and I will post each of the other poems on following days.

A portion of this poem cycle was published in Nimrod in 2006. And the cycle of poems was a finalist for the 2006 Pablo Neruda Poem Award, sponsored by Nimrod.



this isn’t possible you are not gone
this isn’t livable life without you here
this isn’t true you are not dead
can’t be mustn’t be just talked to you
just days moments ago you sounded
good the smile still in your voice this
isn’t possible, isn’t so, isn’t true, cannot be

tears won’t come, just tiredness and the film,
that film as thick as the black cloth I just hung
over the mirror, the invisible film that slows limbs,
clouds thought, makes it impossible to see
the happy boy next door marching and
playing his tuba, even looking at him
i cannot see him for the film the film the film

i may cut my hair   
the film covers my decisions
they are far away     somehow     outside of me
apart from me                            
still i think
i may cut my hair

you won’t know what it looks like
you never saw me with short hair
you won’t see the new book with your painting
on the cover       you won’t walk with me anywhere,
not to lunch or museums or to our redheaded friend’s
apartment with the pastel-feathered African birds

the sharing’s done
the mourning’s begun
even as i declare this isn’t possible
you are not gone  this isn’t true you are not
dead you are not you are not you are not


Copyright Ysabel de la Rosa, All rights reserved.

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