Inside the Circle: For my Friend

 In 2004, upon the death of my friend, mentor, and kindred spirit, Mil Lubroth, I wrote a cycle of poems. Each poem represents a day in the first week after her passing. The poem below is the first in the cycle, and I will post each of the other poems on following days.

A portion of this poem cycle was published in Nimrod in 2006. And the cycle of poems was a finalist for the 2006 Pablo Neruda Poem Award, sponsored by Nimrod.

INSIDE THE CIRCLE

Tuesday

this isn’t possible you are not gone

this isn’t livable life without you here

this isn’t true you are not dead

can’t be mustn’t be just talked to you

just days moments ago you sounded

good the smile still in your voice this

isn’t possible, isn’t so, isn’t true, cannot be

tears won’t come, just tiredness and the film,

that film as thick as the black cloth I just hung

over the mirror, the invisible film that slows limbs,

clouds thought, makes it impossible to see

the happy boy next door marching and

playing his tuba, even looking at him

i cannot see him for the film the film the film

i may cut my hair   

the film covers my decisions

they are far away     somehow     outside of me

apart from me                            
still i think

i may cut my hair

you won’t know what it looks like

you never saw me with short hair

you won’t see the new book with your painting

on the cover       you won’t walk with me anywhere,

not to lunch or museums or to our redheaded friend’s

apartment with the pastel-feathered African birds

the sharing’s done

the mourning’s begun

even as i declare this isn’t possible

you are not gone  this isn’t true you are not

dead you are not you are not you are not

gone

*******

Copyright Ysabel de la Rosa, All rights reserved.