tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87316098694957697152024-02-20T07:47:31.602-08:00Getting Along with GriefWe may not be able to get over grief, but we can learn how to get along with it in a meaningful, productive way.Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.comBlogger148125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-6917474305732858652015-08-02T15:19:00.000-07:002015-08-02T18:11:43.718-07:00Acts of Love<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This insightful post is from blogger, teacher and preacher <b>Troy Sims.</b> The paintings included in the post are by his father, Paul Sims, who died earlier this year. Paul had many a brush with health crises, but lived long enough to know his grandson Micah and be present for some very special visits with Troy, his wife Sandra, and Micah. It is especially important during the first year after a loss to create rituals of expression for one's grief, and one's gratitude. Troy's donut mission is a perfect example of how both grief and love can find expression, how we often find deep meaning and comfort in what once were simple, everyday details of life. To read more of Troy's work, visit <b> </b></i></div>
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<i><b><a href="http://lovinggodwithallyourmind.blogspot.com/">Loving God with all Your Mind</a> </b></i></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; font-variant: small-caps;">Ritualizing Grief</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Professor; font-size: 18pt;">by Troy Sims</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMLrKa5CegGhvAr0Y831jlcqiZvK0mgI6fQaeU7NqLbPRONdism3SWg9lvBrmRLduPHUViphXuk6jyeITry42kl5zVDCzvDiQbnhcIGa5ZRo8DAwTL5TpKlr4egRO0WObYVfv-gWP9NQ4/s1600/so+maid+old+store1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMLrKa5CegGhvAr0Y831jlcqiZvK0mgI6fQaeU7NqLbPRONdism3SWg9lvBrmRLduPHUViphXuk6jyeITry42kl5zVDCzvDiQbnhcIGa5ZRo8DAwTL5TpKlr4egRO0WObYVfv-gWP9NQ4/s200/so+maid+old+store1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When I
was growing up, my family lived in the North Central Texas countryside. Occasionally, my
father would get up early on a Saturday morning and drive into town to get
donuts as a surprise treat for breakfast. Southern Maid was his brand of choice
then. He always bought the glazed ones, because the whole family liked those
the best. This remains a fond memory. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Fast
forward 30-plus years to March 7, 2015. I awake to hear my wife Sandra on the phone. I can hear only her side of the conversation, but I know
what has happened. “I knew this was coming,” I think to myself as I lay in bed
in a state of numbness.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After
making a few calls, I sit at the computer to look at flights to Texas. In that
moment it truly hits me that my Dad, my hero, my friend, is gone. I burst into
tears and feel something I had not felt since November 24, 2009.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd32VbzdkYDb2luKRWBKp0mCYlv0BCEPhdWGm5N37-6vHWEcFQrSn_pyba4zHW7wrj0xvGIdB_ei94yVbykC4FXdmoxwLi-vwhGUrya1wc5RV3EIM7U2TLwg_pU9TnFULWbN2P-JGThdg/s1600/Tree%2526Mountain1989.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd32VbzdkYDb2luKRWBKp0mCYlv0BCEPhdWGm5N37-6vHWEcFQrSn_pyba4zHW7wrj0xvGIdB_ei94yVbykC4FXdmoxwLi-vwhGUrya1wc5RV3EIM7U2TLwg_pU9TnFULWbN2P-JGThdg/s320/Tree%2526Mountain1989.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #666666;">Tree and Mountain, Paul Sims</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Actually,
“felt” is not not nearly the right word, as it was much more than a “feeling.” But
in that moment, I “felt” the same way I had when my son Micah was born. One
event was more than joyful; the other event was more than sad. Yet, I
experienced the same feeling (and more). This didn't make any sense to me
whatsoever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I experience
something so similar when these events were so vastly different?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A week
later, back in our Texas hometown, I decided to do what my Dad had done for
us so long ago. I got up early and went to the place that had become Dad's
brand of choice in more recent years—Hot & Creamy Donuts. I ordered a
dozen—half glazed and half chocolate. My wife and son prefer the
chocolate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I drove to the cemetery
to share a donut with Dad, once again.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I laid a
glazed donut at the head of my father’s grave and took one for myself. As I
stood at Dad's final resting place before flying back to my current home
in Washington, DC, I realized just what the feeling I was experiencing was:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><i>love.</i></b> In extreme joy and extreme pain, I
experienced<b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the same love</i>,</b> the love
between a parent and a child. And, I understood that grief, though painful, is
an act of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Because grief
hurts, we often seek to minimize the pain and not put ourselves in situations where we will feel the loss. We try to forget. We try to stay far from places that bring
up memories of our loved one. We try to do something different from what we did before, because
repeating the actions we used to do brings us pain or sorrow.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We need
to show our love in grief, though—even in crazy acts that might make us cry or
hurt. We need to be open to ritualizing our grief, because as religious
traditions have shown for centuries, ritual helps us deal with, work through,
and remember life and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpWVDAv9FOs7D8QJoNeYT14W2A8eUY5_sdgFY9CaTntJsNlooYw4QvdbEJglJeH97AdUO9oYjeR8JATuwzcn02Qih_HCdze-hb850hpImXk88MWl7i1my2ImwaRuqwzpdfhDqwI4lWjQs/s1600/flowers+sims.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpWVDAv9FOs7D8QJoNeYT14W2A8eUY5_sdgFY9CaTntJsNlooYw4QvdbEJglJeH97AdUO9oYjeR8JATuwzcn02Qih_HCdze-hb850hpImXk88MWl7i1my2ImwaRuqwzpdfhDqwI4lWjQs/s320/flowers+sims.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #666666;">Flowers by Paul Sims</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Living
far away now, I can't guarantee that I can share a donut at Dad's grave at
specific times, but I plan to surprise him from time to time when I'm back home
by sharing a donut with him again. And, I can surprise my son with chocolate
donuts, too. Thanks for the example, the memories, and the opportunities, Dad. You
are loved.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">______________________________________________________________________________________________________</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "Californian FB","serif";">Copyright, Troy Sims, 2015. </span></b></span>
Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-14056005785209130012015-07-16T21:37:00.002-07:002015-07-16T21:42:40.815-07:00How Fathers Figure in Our Lives: Then and Now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiivBO7UafP-Wyxo8aLKkxw2rXjyVTWXSqnI-FUNFt3zs4LPTMFnkMTW0-JWiAFsPrpIKQZQeVdEFEKPZLhnY1M7eWyAK0qd5v1F4cCRxF3wKYU8hw1Sp7agVxB9niMm6lIUwp0BZpK-DU/s1600/album.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiivBO7UafP-Wyxo8aLKkxw2rXjyVTWXSqnI-FUNFt3zs4LPTMFnkMTW0-JWiAFsPrpIKQZQeVdEFEKPZLhnY1M7eWyAK0qd5v1F4cCRxF3wKYU8hw1Sp7agVxB9niMm6lIUwp0BZpK-DU/s320/album.png" width="281" /></a></div>
This past year, the fathers of three friends of mine have died, two last week. I've had very meaningful conversations about this transition with my friends--each one so very different in circumstance. I could relate to what is hard to express about the loss of a father. We could speak in a kind of short-hand together.<br />
<br />
When my father died, I felt someone had torn the curtain off the world and exposed me, naked, to the entire universe, no veil between the infinity's chasm and me. This was not because my father was some macho figure, controlling, or overly protective. Tall and slender, but always fit, a first impression would not lead you to equate him with force of any kind. <i>Until</i> you looked in his eyes, crystalline, sometimes blue, grey, green, and then, despite his silence, or his few and measured words, you would know by the light in those eyes that he was a powerhouse of spirit. My brother referred to our father as having the energy of tectonic plates. He would move the earth. He would. And in many ways he did.<br />
<br />
Shortly after my friends' fathers died, I found this book in an estate sale. It's a souvenir book for a young woman who attended college in Louisiana the year after the Civil War ended. The tradition of a souvenir book was alive and well during my childhood summers in the South. I still have one of them with camp friends' silly and secret messages inscribed within.<br />
<br />
At the back of this souvenir album was a lovely letter from the father of the young woman who owned the album: Miss Ella.<br />
<br />
Many things about this letter moved me. Its gentleness. The willingness and eagerness (and courage) of a 19th century man for his daughter to have a college education at a time when women were to be dedicated to marriage and servant-hood to their husbands. This father could very well have suffered severe economic reversals during the Civil War; yet he was committed to his daughter's progress and education amidst the ruins left from the war and flying in the face of tradition. Then, even then, there were strong and gentle men, good and guiding fathers. We seldom hear about them or from them unless we find jewels like this.<br />
<br />
I share this treasure from the past with those friends who have have recently had that veil against the universe ripped from their daily lives, and to others who remember clearly the day their fathers died. I share it to remind us that neither the light nor the love ends. I offer it in the place of the letters that I know some of your fathers <i>felt</i>, but did not know how to write. One hundred fifty years later on a hot Saturday afternoon, this simple note appears. The odds? There are none. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbxX3byhkm7qkUioCbshwiGu8HZfyDI6wWojwhQdHKwNLQeOsY92P-qviCw_zYFuxikZeBdg-nQJ0KirxgtmgGdKVkF8gMcvi0eytb88QhLi4uzFLHHslzko5Oj0R7ONvoKSGJGwC1HsQ/s1600/Dear+Ella.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbxX3byhkm7qkUioCbshwiGu8HZfyDI6wWojwhQdHKwNLQeOsY92P-qviCw_zYFuxikZeBdg-nQJ0KirxgtmgGdKVkF8gMcvi0eytb88QhLi4uzFLHHslzko5Oj0R7ONvoKSGJGwC1HsQ/s400/Dear+Ella.png" width="325" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Colquitt, La. Sept 8th, 1866</div>
<br />
<i>My Dear Ella</i><br />
<br />
You ask me to write in your New Album. I can not, nor do I wish to write after the fashion of the day on such pages--mere playing on words and dealing out of flattery.<br />
<br />
Yet I am disposed to do what I can to comfort or benefit one, who is so precious in my sight, as yourself.<br />
<br />
My child, you are now passing a very important period of your life (the last year at college) never before has time been laden with such momentous matters with you. Your future for time, and perhaps eterntiy, will be foreshadowed by the close of your collegiate course. Shall it be bright!<br />
<br />
Will my dear daughter try to write her name high in all that is good and lovely? And make glad the heart of her Father, who is willing to do or Suffer, that she may be wise, good and happy, for this I live and labour. God has given you the ability. Only use the means in your reach, and I fear not the result.<br />
<br />
<i>"Come, Father, Son and Holy Ghost, To whom we for our children cry:</i><br />
<i>The good desired and wanted most, Out of thy richest grace supply."</i><br />
<br />
Your Father,<br />
<i>John Wilson</i><br />
<br />
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<br />Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-18372581118906426362015-04-15T12:11:00.000-07:002015-04-15T12:12:57.182-07:00Five Years On, and Grateful<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've written several posts on anniversaries related to loss. Today is my sister's birthday. Were she here, she would be 58. Her death was the motivation for me to start this blog. And this week, five years after her passing, I have spent substantive time looking at previous posts. What wonderful work is here! How grateful I am to every writer, artist and photographer who has contributed. Thank you so much. Your very souls reach out from this screen to other souls who need and want to hear what you have to say. Blessings, all. And happy birthday, sis.</span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">IT’S
STILL YOUR BIRTHDAY</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #5f497a; font-family: Professor; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></b></div>
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-71568399681086216542015-02-15T15:41:00.000-08:002015-02-15T15:41:45.671-08:00Bearing Beauty, Granting Peace<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Until today I have not posted an entry on losing a child. The theme deserves much more than a few posts...yet it also deserves not to be omitted. My friend and colleague Roberta Sund has written a brave poem that is as much a testament to indescribable grief as it is to indefinable healing. What depth of soul and hugeness of heart it took for her to respond to the "call." What an extraordinary, forever-gift her courage gave to one young man. Roberta shows us a way of living to aspire to, even as we live with and acknowledge grief. I treasure this jewel of a poem.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>_____________________________________________</i></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">GODSEND</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #17365d; font-family: Professor; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themeshade: 191;">by Roberta Faulkner Sund</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The call comes at midnight:</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Patient actively dying alone</span></i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All life support removed.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Can you come to the hospital?</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Somehow I know I must.</span></div>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The young man in the bed</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">looks eerily like my son,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">the son I lost so many years ago.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No chance then for me to</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">offer comfort or say good-bye</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I massage the patient’s hands</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and read aloud the 23rd Psalm.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He opens his big brown eyes,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">reminiscent of my son’s eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Does he like what I’m reading? He nods.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This precious gift given to me,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">to be with him in his last hours,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pleasant journey, young man,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Happy to be here for the send-off</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">_______________________________________________________________</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Poem, copyright Roberta Faulkner Sund, all rights reserved.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image, copyright Ysabel de la Rosa.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Roberta holds a degree from Texas Christian University in chemistry and biology. She was a Fulbright Fellow to Germany in the 1950s and later earned her MS degree in chemistry from the University of Texas at Austin. An award-winning teacher, Roberta has taught in schools in the US and abroad, including Morocco and the UK. Her poems have been published in the Wichita Falls Literature and Arts Review, and The Texas Poetry Calendar, among other publications. </i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Image description: </b>A lone seagull flies through a cloudless blue sky.</span> </i></span></span></div>
Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-74066816586815134942015-02-04T19:26:00.001-08:002022-08-03T20:18:23.166-07:00The Strength to Survive<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvuZFjTJumvLMdY1Q9ocrpzrtTj0dIv2UYNfkwkCMdUkBK7kz98JcHAXjLElJto34N6bblAQwbs-oGcD41jDrNDdpUZwk7cwcJGgGqAj5QB0JsdPpyB-CvZT3P9CGjmWztWo9nEEojX4Y/s1600/comadres.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvuZFjTJumvLMdY1Q9ocrpzrtTj0dIv2UYNfkwkCMdUkBK7kz98JcHAXjLElJto34N6bblAQwbs-oGcD41jDrNDdpUZwk7cwcJGgGqAj5QB0JsdPpyB-CvZT3P9CGjmWztWo9nEEojX4Y/s1600/comadres.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Las comadres by José Ortiz Echagüe</td></tr>
</tbody></table><p>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">When we learn that someone has died, we first say that we regret their loss, but what we really want is to first ask <i>how? </i>How did he, she die? Was it an accident? Was it sudden? Were they ill? Were they ill for long? These are some of the questions that come to mind for a natural death.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">But, death doesn't <i>feel </i>natural. That's a large part of why we struggle with grief. Life feels natural, only life. Knowing that death ends the life we know means that death cannot feel natural to us. It <i>can</i> become less of a stranger, more familiar and more manageable. But not natural.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">How much more unnatural, how utterly alien, death feels when it comes at the hands of a murderer, attacker, terrorist, or war criminal. I read once that fear is temporary, but horror is lasting. This is what families who lose loved ones in terrible, unjust, and evil ways must endure: horror. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Parents Sasi and Saafia Al-Kasasbeh, the other family members, friends, and countrymen of Jordanian pilot Muath Al-Kasasbeh are left to face not only the unnatural loss of this young man, but also the horror at the knowledge of how his life was ended. As unnatural as death feels to us, we do know it as inevitable. Not so with this kind of--no other word for it--evil way in which his life was ended. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">I do not know how human beings survive this penetrating mix of loss and horror. Every time I hear of losses like these--and there are far too many--I feel overwhelmed. And challenged. As I see these good people survive, hear their voices speak to the world through their indescribable grief, I am challenged to believe that the very strength that sustains them may be something akin to having a divine black hole within the soul. It holds you together as it tears you apart. To think that that strength could also be available to me frightens me to my core. I would rather collapse than endure the horror that requires this kind of strength in order for one to survive. Yet, I cannot know of this family, or others who have lost loved ones in ways of unjustifiable horror, and not acknowledge that terrible strength that has helped humans survive, and in acknowledging it, accept the startling, often shocking chiaroscuro that is life and death, life after death, and life beyond death. Acknowledging this, I ask G-d to be present in my life, our lives, the world. Be present and keep us in Thy presence. Be, God, at the center of that black hole of terrible strength. Amen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Image description:</b></span> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The image at the beginning of this post is a photograph taken by José Oriz Echagüe. Echagüe was a photographer who lived in Spain from 1886 to 1980. The photo is a black and white print, printed on canvas to enhance the painterly qualities of the photo. Two women sit on either side of an arched entryway, facing each other. They wear long black skirts and have black fabric draped over their heads and shoulders. There faces do not appear in the photograph. They are as two dark sentinels. A gate inside the archway opens into a dark passage. The background is a soft grey, and the the women's dark-robed figures stand out starkly against the grey wall.</i></span></span></p>Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-83902678593205617032015-01-19T17:47:00.002-08:002015-01-26T19:47:57.618-08:00On Love, Empathy, Loss<div style="text-align: center;">
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</xml><![endif]-->An editorial note from one of our writers, Jessica Fenlon: "<i>This piece touches the reality of our sometimes-fragmentary healing process, even in the how it is written." She expressed something I could not quite find the words for, but it does speak to the technical strength of this creative writing.</i> <br />
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">I easily identify with this piece by Tasha Raella Chemel. It is both fragmented and fluid. It touches on the real and the unreal, those side-by-side sensations that accompany loss. It breaks the boundaries between past and future, artificial boundaries, after all. It's like a long Haiku; it reveals because it depicts, not because it explains. Best of all, there is healing in it, if you read it well.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">____________________________________________</span> </span></i></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj56MZZGpE3VTBnfLxgQFRn6azgZQ8xdjaX0vvSwn-4kv_ybOJ2MTobvf0WLuXoXKu3d3Gw9uu54guN2d0V_gHUHbzIWqcgACUKlzbRt-MUmhtwTjCnILiyON3j_n2SyQBYFpECv1uoeUU/s1600/throat_chakra__vishuddha__by_rebelbam-d6epyfr+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj56MZZGpE3VTBnfLxgQFRn6azgZQ8xdjaX0vvSwn-4kv_ybOJ2MTobvf0WLuXoXKu3d3Gw9uu54guN2d0V_gHUHbzIWqcgACUKlzbRt-MUmhtwTjCnILiyON3j_n2SyQBYFpECv1uoeUU/s1600/throat_chakra__vishuddha__by_rebelbam-d6epyfr+(1).jpg" height="400" width="283" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>Throat Chakra, Visshuda, by <a href="http://rebelbam.deviantart.com/">RebelBam</a></b></i></span></td></tr>
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</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>
</b></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> My throat has been
restless all week. Apparently, through some sort of mechanical mix-up, its
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8731609869495769715#" id="_GPLITA_0" in_rurl="http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6NzkxMjA6MTkwMzpjaGFrcmE6NjdjOGY5YzFlOTYwZmE0NWQzZDNmNWMwNjE4ZWM4NTc6ei0yMDY3LTcyMzM4Mzp3d3cuYmxvZ2dlci5jb206MjMzOTY3OmUyNGRjOTkwYzQzZTNjZTE0ODBlYmQ2OGNkNDA4M2U4OmU4YTEwZjk3NWFiZDRjMTlhZWQ2ZDk5NGZlMDllNDlhOjE6ZGF0YV9zcyw4Njd4MTYwMDtkYXRhX2ZiLG5vOzo3MTM3ODc2&subid=g-723383-428618da305f476e842d47c0e8fed92a-&data_ss=867x1600&data_fb=no&data_tagname=SPAN" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: auto ! important; margin: 0px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: baseline ! important; width: auto ! important;" title="Click to Continue > by Best Offers">chakra<img src="https://cdncache-a.akamaihd.net/items/it/img/arrow-10x10.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: 10px ! important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: super ! important; width: 10px ! important;" /></a> has become enmeshed with unacknowledged grief. Lately, I've become
disenamored with new-age platitudes, but the shell of this one does not give
way under my fingertips. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It’s Monday, or
maybe Tuesday. I can't tell. I'm talking to my dad on the phone. By this point,
he isn't saying much. He's got his oxygen mask on. He sounds freakish, like a
parody of a beloved cartoon character, and I just want to end the call as soon
as I can. If he isn't going to be the dad I knew, then I don't want to speak to
him. I tell him about my latest <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8731609869495769715#" id="_GPLITA_1" in_hdr="1" in_hover="" in_rurl="http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6Nzg0NTc6NDpjb21wdXRlcjpiYzI4N2YyMTllYzE3MGI0NjUzNjEzMzIxYjlkM2U0MTp6LTIwNjctNzIzMzgzOnd3dy5ibG9nZ2VyLmNvbToyMzIzMjY6MWJmYzQyMzhhMDkyOThjZjc4NGE2ZTM3ZjU1MWVjYmU6OWE5ZjI1YWI5N2Q4NDRiNGE5OWUwMzE2ZjhhMzA0ZWM6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDg2N3gxNjAwO2RhdGFfZmIsbm87OjQ0MDUxNTg&subid=g-723383-428618da305f476e842d47c0e8fed92a-&data_ss=867x1600&data_fb=no&data_tagname=SPAN" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: auto ! important; margin: 0px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: baseline ! important; width: auto ! important;" title="Click to Continue > by Best Offers">computer<img src="https://cdncache-a.akamaihd.net/items/it/img/arrow-10x10.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: 10px ! important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: super ! important; width: 10px ! important;" /></a> problem, an ominous clicking coming
from the hard drive that I don't want to identify with too closely. I don't ask
how he's feeling. My brain isn't flexible enough yet to bend around that
particular question. I think he says he loves me. I know he doesn't say
goodbye. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> My feelings for you
are knotted; the kind of fiendish snarl that inevitably results when too many
personal electronics are crammed into a tiny space. It is unfortunate that all
the cords are the same thickness and color. You spend hours watching me trying
to untangle my hope from your hurt from my limerence from your loss, from our
mutual desire to be seen, until the time comes when I can no longer speak and
you can no longer listen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> My mom is at the
hospital. There had been a conversation about whether I should be there too,
but I don't want to go. Or maybe my mom doesn't want me to go. I like the glide
of that story better. Blame is definite. The phone rings. It's my mom calling.
I ask her if my dad is going to die. She says she doesn't know, and that she
wants to speak to my aunt. She's aggravated, as if I've done something
teenagery and stupid, like leaving my math homework on the kitchen table.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It’s been two years
since I left. My throat wants me to write to you. I tell you how San Francisco
summers begin and end in May. I ask you about the secret language of graduate
school. You reply to my first letter, but not the second. I refuse to see you
as a person who is capable of thoughtlessness. I am safe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">6.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> My memories of my
father are neatly separated into two collections. The first I keep on the top
shelf of my closet, in a <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8731609869495769715#" id="_GPLITA_2" in_rurl="http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6MjkyMTc6MTMwNDpjYXJkYm9hcmQgYm94OmQzOGQ3MzFjNzZjYWYzODg1YzNiYzI3NTVkNzlkYzJlOnotMjA2Ny03MjMzODM6d3d3LmJsb2dnZXIuY29tOjIyNzU3OTpkODE4OTVmZmUwMGExY2M1NjQ3YThjMzUyNGFkYWE0ZTo4NTdjNmY4MTdkNjc0NjIxODBmNTJjODc5NmNkNTY4ZDoxOmRhdGFfc3MsODY3eDE2MDA7ZGF0YV9mYixubzs6NDQyNTQwOA&subid=g-723383-428618da305f476e842d47c0e8fed92a-&data_ss=867x1600&data_fb=no&data_tagname=SPAN" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: auto ! important; margin: 0px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: baseline ! important; width: auto ! important;" title="Click to Continue > by Best Offers">cardboard box<img src="https://cdncache-a.akamaihd.net/items/it/img/arrow-10x10.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: 10px ! important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: super ! important; width: 10px ! important;" /></a>. Most of the time, I look through it
dutifully, when we're watching videos of our family vacations. Everybody is too
busy smiling. My father is too busy being happy and privileged and immortal.
Occasionally, right about this time of year, when the first three notes of
springtime get stuck in my head, and I breathe in a lungful of perfumed air
from an open classroom window, I'll run home and I'll take down that box of my
own volition. But I will always prefer my second collection, which I've
artfully arranged on the top of my dresser, like glass animals that will never
break. My animals are a therapist's worst nightmare. He can try to rationalize
them away, but they will keep shining at him, obliviously, and sometimes I
think that shine is the brightest thing I own, so bright that even my
perforated retinas can take their pleasure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A.
"Never tell me to shut up again. If I said that to my father, he'd give me
a hiding."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">B.
"You're selfish. You're always moving onto the next thing."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">C.
"You're spoiled. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do</i></b> you know that? I'm already paying
for your therapy and personal trainer, and now you want a new mattress as
well?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">D.
"Your breath is toxic. I'm not helping you until you brush your teeth.
Your teeth are going to rot away, if you don’t' take better care of them."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">E.
"I'm done helping you if you're going to talk to me like that."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">F.
"Now I know you never can keep a secret."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Look
at how paltry these things are, just sitting here on the page. Any parent could
lay <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8731609869495769715#" id="_GPLITA_3" in_hdr="1" in_hover="" in_rurl="http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6Nzk4Nzg6MzI4NTpjbGFpbTo3MTZmODllYjg3NjRiNjA3NWFhZDBlZjMyNDNjYmVkYzp6LTIwNjctNzIzMzgzOnd3dy5ibG9nZ2VyLmNvbToyMzU4NDM6NTY3NTFiYzI2ODg0YmNhYzUzYzNkYmViOTcxNzVkMmQ6OGQyNWYxNzE1N2EyNGY4NzhkMWRmOGYzMTllZGRkMmM6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDg2N3gxNjAwO2RhdGFfZmIsbm87OjQ0MDQ5Mjg&subid=g-723383-428618da305f476e842d47c0e8fed92a-&data_ss=867x1600&data_fb=no&data_tagname=SPAN" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: auto ! important; margin: 0px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: baseline ! important; width: auto ! important;" title="Click to Continue > by Best Offers">claim<img src="https://cdncache-a.akamaihd.net/items/it/img/arrow-10x10.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: 10px ! important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: super ! important; width: 10px ! important;" /></a> to them. But my dad said them to me. They are mine.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> My memories of you
are spliced and jumbled. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, briefly. We are hunched over
my <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8731609869495769715#" id="_GPLITA_4" in_rurl="http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6Nzg0NTc6NDpjb21wdXRlcjpiMDUyOWI3MGQyMWVmMTIyYTliNGY0OWMzZjJhYmIxODp6LTIwNjctNzIzMzgzOnd3dy5ibG9nZ2VyLmNvbToyMzIzMjY6MWJmYzQyMzhhMDkyOThjZjc4NGE2ZTM3ZjU1MWVjYmU6Zjg2ODVmYTFlZTE1NDY0Njg2YjJiNmZhODdiNTljZTQ6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDg2N3gxNjAwO2RhdGFfZmIsbm87OjQ0MDUxNTg&subid=g-723383-428618da305f476e842d47c0e8fed92a-&data_ss=867x1600&data_fb=no&data_tagname=SPAN" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: auto ! important; margin: 0px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: baseline ! important; width: auto ! important;" title="Click to Continue > by Best Offers">computer<img src="https://cdncache-a.akamaihd.net/items/it/img/arrow-10x10.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: 10px ! important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: super ! important; width: 10px ! important;" /></a> screen, as we ride the train from Providence to Virginia. Your love
is indelible when you are reading aloud, when your alchemist’s lips are weaving
the written into the spoken. Then it’s May, and the law of entropy demands its
due. The last few days of college are collapsing in on themselves. You read to
me, more than ever, but you are leaving for China in August, and the rhythms of
that country have already crept into your speech. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It's Friday morning.
My mom sits on the edge of my bed. "He's gone," she says. There’s a
draft in this sheltered, but poorly insulated place, a gap between two worlds
where possibilities can still play. "Gone" doesn't always mean
"dead." </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It’s a Wednesday at
the cusp of December. I write to you again, to tell you that I will be in town
for the holidays. I ask if you would like to have coffee. Your polite
acceptance comes in the middle of my pottery class. The teacher comments on the
prettiness of my rim. My hands are still shaking.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">10.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It's Sunday, or
maybe Monday. It doesn’t matter which. I say that I don't want to go to the
funeral. "Of course you're going," my mother says. We have to leave
in ten minutes. She tells me to try to "pull myself together." I
still don't know what that means. I had a dream last night about a stretched
audiotape that wouldn't play. I took it out of the machine, and I knew it was
working against me. The faster I tried to wind the tape back up, the faster it
spooled itself out of its casing. Why is it so unwilling to submit? </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11.</span></b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It’s the afternoon
of New Year’s Eve in New York. The waitress is peevish because we have come
five minutes before the restaurant has opened. I order a silly salad that I
know I can't eat. I apologize for leaving, for taking what did not belong to
me. You say that I had no ill intentions, that I did nothing wrong. Your
reassurance scalds the tip of my tongue, but it is mother-warm when it reaches
my ribs. You ask innocuous questions, and I hear my own recorded voice
answering them. Once, I cut myself off in mid-sentence. I am caught by the
decadence of your laugh, and for a moment, I almost remember what it is to be
your friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Much
later, when I am alone, I choose the ugliest of my glass animals, a demented
rabbit, and I hurl it against the wall as hard as I can. Its right foreleg
breaks off and splits in two, but it is otherwise unharmed. I cradle the two
halves in my palm, wishing, absurdly, for the power to knit them back together.
There's a drop of blood at the center of my left pointer finger, but I don't
mind. The wounded rabbit goes back on the dresser with the others. The chips of
pain in its eyes remind me that I am not quite ready to yield to the <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8731609869495769715#" id="_GPLITA_5" in_rurl="http://s.srv-itx.com/click?v=VVM6ODAzNTE6MTg5OndlaWdodDo5YzA0OWY4NGQ4NDIzM2JjNTVkMjM0ZTlkYjBkMTY4ODp6LTIwNjctNzIzMzgzOnd3dy5ibG9nZ2VyLmNvbToyMzc2MTg6MzAwZWRhM2E1ZDc0OTRiZDc0YmE4NGMzZmNjMDM3Yjk6NzkyZDg3YTljMGFmNDkyYWExNDk4NDcyNDE1ODdlNGY6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDg2N3gxNjAwO2RhdGFfZmIsbm87OjMwOTg3MTA&subid=g-723383-428618da305f476e842d47c0e8fed92a-&data_ss=867x1600&data_fb=no&data_tagname=SPAN" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: auto ! important; margin: 0px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: baseline ! important; width: auto ! important;" title="Click to Continue > by Best Offers">weight<img src="https://cdncache-a.akamaihd.net/items/it/img/arrow-10x10.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent ! important; border: medium none ! important; display: inline-block ! important; float: none ! important; font-weight: bold ! important; height: 10px ! important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px ! important; min-height: 0px ! important; min-width: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; text-indent: 0px ! important; text-transform: uppercase ! important; vertical-align: super ! important; width: 10px ! important;" /></a> of
your forgiveness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">______________________________________________________________________</span><br />
<br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i><b>Tasha Raella Chemel</b></i></span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>is currently a master's candidate in Arts In Education at Harvard University. She enjoys reading critical theory, seeking out the perfect chai latte, and over-analyzing pop culture. She lives in Massachusetts.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></span></span></i></span></span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Copyright, Tasha Raella Chemel, all rights reserved.</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "BakerSignet BT","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Illustration by RebelBam. See more of her work here: </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.rebelbam.deviantart.com/"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: #dae4d9; color: #444444; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><b>Baruška Anita Michalčíková.</b> </span></span></a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="background-color: #dae4d9; color: #444444; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><b>Description of illustration for the visually impaired: </b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">The illustration shows a silhouette of a woman with a pony tail and bangs. Her mouth is open slightly as though she is
about to speak. One arm is by her side; the other is bent at the
elbow and its hand points upward. A blue circle hovers in front of her
throat. The circle looks three dimensional, as though it were a globe
floating. <br /><br />The globe
contains shades of teal, turquoise and sky blue. Emanating from the
woman's figure are 12 ondulating patterns of many, varying blues. Their colors vary from indigo
to turquoise. Surrounding and encircling all of these ondulations is a
pattern of diamond shapes in teal and navy blue. </span></div>
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-25357352024212326272015-01-17T09:46:00.001-08:002015-01-17T09:46:28.863-08:00We live--and die--within a larger picture<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75XjPqEbADRF97zLtXZi4AGRGf1RDC7lUBzDW0qjVV7rO7AWY1z4Lg2r-_L_uB4Qi1kbHcG5OwqWXMgNa88vkfQ-qnwonKFW5hPi9hQIvIhN75YMHkJgFoXyuwEXzU6b-_kyS-HhZ43o/s1600/300764_140x140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75XjPqEbADRF97zLtXZi4AGRGf1RDC7lUBzDW0qjVV7rO7AWY1z4Lg2r-_L_uB4Qi1kbHcG5OwqWXMgNa88vkfQ-qnwonKFW5hPi9hQIvIhN75YMHkJgFoXyuwEXzU6b-_kyS-HhZ43o/s1600/300764_140x140.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julianne Moore, Whosay.com</td></tr>
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Julianne Moore frightens me. I think it's the expression of so much perfection that awes me. First, there's her beauty, the luminescent skin, the flame of her hair, the blue-ice cast of her eyes. Next, the mellow tone of her voice and how each word is exquisitely formed, consonants just right, no over-emphasis. And last, but not least, the love for her family and her calling which comes through that voice. Yesterday, as I listened to an NPR interview with Ms. Moore, I heard all this and something else: wisdom. In her role as Alice in "Still Alice," Moore plays a
brilliant woman, wife, and mother with early onset Alzheimer's
disease. You can listen to the interview <b><a href="http://www.npr.org/2015/01/16/377526049/julianne-moore-alzheimers-makes-us-question-our-essential-selves">here</a></b>. <b><a href="http://www.npr.org/people/134002977/melissa-block">Melissa Block</a></b> asked Moore if the role had changed her attitude toward aging. Here's part of her answer:<br />
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<i>"It's not just about aging, it's about mortality. Aging is about mortality, too. ... In our culture, and lots of cultures, we have this... 'You are as old as you think you are! Forever young! You can do whatever! Fifty is the new thirty!' (We have) this ...refusal to look at our life cycle." </i> </div>
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I confess that, even when I attend funerals, experience loss, mourn a loved one, I often live that experience without thinking even once about my own future death. It will come, of course. When I <i>do</i> think about this and the end of lives of people I love, I think about how and when death comes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaqza8jxSm-vhEuHWatBfgGNEekMoE0Yr2mONza_mUhorp48igh6cPO665hfH3KPKeAk-ptLiSYEeAUREzre2wy3PzGgn2l9ihrgM1i5AnwihBoo4172Xn3RqoWeUETk4IrLmJiNPU8QY/s1600/slider-01-36af9cb002e262e1cfa894d8be67db7e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaqza8jxSm-vhEuHWatBfgGNEekMoE0Yr2mONza_mUhorp48igh6cPO665hfH3KPKeAk-ptLiSYEeAUREzre2wy3PzGgn2l9ihrgM1i5AnwihBoo4172Xn3RqoWeUETk4IrLmJiNPU8QY/s1600/slider-01-36af9cb002e262e1cfa894d8be67db7e.jpg" height="320" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Syria's Brave <a href="https://www.whitehelmets.org/">White Helmet Civil Defense</a></b></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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In the wake of recent terror attacks in Western Europe and Nigeria, with wars in Syria, Iraq, Russia and the Ukraine, I want to pause a moment before the next post to put this blog's purpose in perspective. Most of us who have posted on this blog come from "lucky countries" and lead fortunate lives, in comparison to many others. Even in our grief, deep and penetrating as it is, we are fortunate. The mother whose child is killed by a bomb, the family who loses home and kin in war, the relatives who mourn students mowed down last month in a school in Pakistan, the Haitians who still mourn those lost in the hurricane 5 years ago....the misfortune, injustice, victimization, and horror that mixes in with their grieving must give their personal and collective pain an intensity that is indescribable. Their lives were/are hard, sometimes nearly impossible. Their grief/deaths will also be. <br />
<br />
Our fellow human beings in these circumstances have neither time nor safety to "process" feelings--their rage, grief, sadness, fear, sense of impotency. Refugees cannot stop on their escape route to write in a journal or to express their anguish. That some of us live in a setting where we <i>can</i> do this is a blessing. That blessing, while it does not take grief away, does place our experience of grief within a larger perspective. It makes me think of my grief as a detail in a six-foot-wide landscape painting; my grief is that wisp of cloud behind one of many trees. We will all die. And, too many of our fellow human beings have died/will die in unjust, unjustifiable and violent ways. They will have cruel deaths, and those who mourn them will be left not only to grieve, but also to face more cruelty, whether it be personal, collective, economic, or circumstantial.<br />
<br />
With this post, I hope to remind our readers and writers of the wisdom in Ms. Moore's words. We <i>are </i>all mortal. We are <i>not</i> forever young, whatever tools we may have at our disposal to appear that way. When I grieve, I grieve deeply. Grief marks one forever, but even that grief comes to me in a set of circumstances for which I am humbly grateful. I invite you to share in this gratitude, even as you face grief in various ways in life. I invite all of us to remember those whose grief is indeed harder than our own to bear. In fact, theirs may be a kind of grief that is close to being truly unbearable.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Ms. Moore concluded her interview, saying that knowing one's life has an end means that: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"...you start to value what you have even more. You value the present. You're never more in love with life than in the presence of your own mortality...You think about how much you love to live, how much you love the people you love. What do you value? Who do you value? What do you want to do? In a sense, it makes everything ... crisper, sharper, and more vital." </i></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ7mW3HltM1Xrhbg8xEn5409gDnLQdNI-WM6qq5SWg3lesH-D9OKaz8AYOh20wR2N_WMJOA7qqI3aRIiZrY2F6svdkzVc6tPbefGSKPDUVTIaHzGLu4Jtz3JH2Z-B6cYpT3a3NjrQHLc4/s1600/DSC07398+possible+richard+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ7mW3HltM1Xrhbg8xEn5409gDnLQdNI-WM6qq5SWg3lesH-D9OKaz8AYOh20wR2N_WMJOA7qqI3aRIiZrY2F6svdkzVc6tPbefGSKPDUVTIaHzGLu4Jtz3JH2Z-B6cYpT3a3NjrQHLc4/s1600/DSC07398+possible+richard+2.jpg" height="186" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">iStock</span></span></td></tr>
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<br />
This blog's next post will be Tasha Raella Chemel's "The Solidarity of the Vulnerable," an insightful piece on the grieving <i>process</i>. I hope today's post prepares you, honorable reader, for the one to come, in the sense that this post makes a case for the fact that even the opportunity to process pain is a blessing. Yes, the pain hurts. Sometimes we think and feel that grieving can break us. I know I have thought and felt this. Still, in the midst of our personal grief, we need to remember not only that our own lives are made crisper and more vital by our own mortality, and yes, even the mortality of those we love, but we also do well to remember the lives of others who are not given real opportunity to survive, thrive, or express even the pain in their hearts. May we always have space, even in our own landscape of grief, to be aware of those who live this burden, and send them love and light. Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-13722521103339734122014-12-23T14:43:00.001-08:002014-12-23T14:43:16.679-08:00It's all different again and yet ...<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Apologies for not posting sooner. Work and health dictate post frequency. Glad to be back. </i></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwCco3em1BfX7AFsSgomxuLy62fXrxwk227ytktdK6jx5CUl5hECaqB_Fa1x0EuJfQMdo557ZOkn7q0R5wcy9gnMnaR8sM3flGtYM3ZoxDdPmrU88L-4Qez7b7dRBdN2zIb-e6sOtndvo/s1600/Christmas+is+Love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwCco3em1BfX7AFsSgomxuLy62fXrxwk227ytktdK6jx5CUl5hECaqB_Fa1x0EuJfQMdo557ZOkn7q0R5wcy9gnMnaR8sM3flGtYM3ZoxDdPmrU88L-4Qez7b7dRBdN2zIb-e6sOtndvo/s1600/Christmas+is+Love.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ysabel de la Rosa</td></tr>
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Since my mother died in 2001, dear friends of our family have invited my brother and me to share their family Christmas dinner with them. My father was there, too, until he left us in 2006. We've shared other losses since then, including the death of their son and of our sister. The Wagners have truly kept Christmas and its traditions alive for me. Their long-time connection to my family has helped me hold a thread of time in my heart that reassures me with its continuity. For the last 12 years, these friends have become our Christmas tradition, and feel like our original family to us. Friends is not an adequate term to describe them.<br />
<br />
It will be different this year. Mr. Wagner is in the hospital this Christmas, with serious, but survivable conditions, one of which required surgery. There won't be a traditional Christmas dinner at the their home this year. No warm Madrilene soup or amazing first-course salads. I will miss it. I am grateful though, that our friend came through surgery well. My gratitude for the years of Christmases we have shared is so deep and profound that it squelches any regret at not being able to celebrate our combined family tradition this year. Different--again-- yet I celebrate and give thanks, all the same.<br />
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About 8 years ago, another family friend, Betty, fell ill with Alzheimer's disease. Before her brain deteriorated, she was the very definition of artistic, creative, spontaneous, and inimitable. She sang in choirs, created sculpture, painted, and did lithographs. Her husband Calvin outlived her by a few years, after proving himself a warrior of all caretakers. His death, unlike hers, was sudden and unexpected, the result of a stroke. Every year, Calvin gave bushels of honey crisp apples to friends and family. They were sitting in his kitchen, ready for distribution, the day he died. His children gave away the apples at his funeral. I remember how wonderful the sanctuary smelled, as though we were in a light-filled apple orchard. <br />
<br />
Honey crisp apples are on sale this week at my grocery store. I can find that reminder of Calvin often, but I was always sorry that I had not gotten to see more of Betty's artwork. I wandered into a group estate sale last week, and there were several of Betty's lithographs. Just like her: quirky, wonderful, daring in shape and contrast. I bought a few for me and one for a mutual friend.<br />
<br />
Lots of dear ones I used to celebrate Christmas with are gone now. Betty and Calvin were two of the people we lit candles with at Christmas Eve services for many years. Illness and physical problems are part of this life. My prayer is that next year we will once again share Christmas dinner with our family-friends, and that this year will be only an interruption, not a change.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ysabel de la Rosa</td></tr>
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But, we can't know that. We can't know next year. We do know our past years, and we often feel deeply how they differ from our current ones. Once again, my Christmas is different, but the difference is laced with a knowing that has come to me over time, a knowing that we cannot ever truly be disconnected, unless we make it so. <br />
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It will be an exceptionally quiet Christmas, perhaps as quiet as the first one was. It will include a visit to the hospital and then, most likely, a simple meal at home on a cloudy, windy day. And believe me when I tell you, that for this and all else, I am eternally grateful.Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-84336561562810613192014-11-23T11:01:00.000-08:002014-11-23T11:03:02.661-08:00This is the Way<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This poem by JD DeHart reminds me of times when I wanted to shield my parents from illness as they once shielded me from life's dangers, and yet, I knew this was not, is not, "the way." Despite the melancholy we feel at coming to terms with what can and cannot be, this poem also reminds me that we can also feel deep gratitude for the stretches of time we do have with loved ones. As a teacher once told me, "Regret is necessary; so, also if fulfillment." </i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75;">__________________________________________________</span></i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 115%;">Her Voice</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="color: #5f497a; font-family: Professor; line-height: 115%;">by JD DeHart</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Over
the phone, I heard the sounds</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
knew I would hear and yet was</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">not
prepared to hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could detect</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">the
age and pain in her voice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
was born to be a soft cushion</span></div>
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found that her bones were striking</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">the
rough places of life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And
there was nothing I could do</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">except
listen and offer brief love,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">thinking:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this is the way of matter,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">this
is the way of living and dying.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">_______________________________________________</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> JD's brief bio and work also appear <b><a href="http://gettingalongwithgrief.blogspot.com/2014/06/a-universal-logic.html">here</a>.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Poem copyright, JD DeHart, all rights reserved.</span> </b></span></div>
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-42361498057570533792014-11-13T10:04:00.005-08:002014-11-13T14:11:41.071-08:00Sharing the Message with You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just after I published the last post, I had to suddenly shop for a new car. My trusty 12-year-old Pontiac Vibe developed a problem that only the most obscure of electronic solutions could solve. After two months at the local dealer's service department, the obscure could not be found. It was un-driveable. I had to act fast. I do not live in a city where public transportation is an option.<br />
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I found what I thought was just the car for me at a dealership in Oklahoma City (A beautiful shade of red). I test drove the car, and although there were little things that bothered me about the car <i>and</i> the dealer, I decided to buy it. The little things: a windshield wiper missing on the driver's side, scratches in the paint, and the cargo carrier that came standard with Honda CRVs was missing. I discussed these things with the manager, whose demeanor immediately made my inner psyhic hair stand on end. He was brisk, unfriendly, and gave off coldness. Still, I needed a car, and fast. They replaced the windshield wiper, covered one scratch. I compromised on the cargo carrier and bought the car.<br />
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<b>STOP FILM HERE.</b> <i>There is no such thing as little things. </i>When one's inner hackles rise even in a minor sense of alarm, we need to listen. As I pulled out of the parking lot with my new, used Honda CRV, I said a prayer for the journey home, which would normally take two hours on a 75 mph tollway.<br />
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At just the "right" spot--one of only 3 exits between the dealership and my home--the power steering went out. I was barely able to slowly pull the car into a gas station at one of these exits. I called the dealership. The sales manager agreed to send a tow truck to pick up the car at what was now the dark hour of 7:30 p.m. That was the extent of his "courtesy." No offer on another car, no loaner vehicle to drive home, nothing but a look of relief on his face when I returned to the dealership. I could not tell if the relief was for himself or for me. Fortunately, a dear friend had gone with me to buy the car, and he drove me back home. I have no idea what I would have done otherwise.<br />
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A few minutes--no, seconds--either way, a different, sharp-turn exit on the highway, the car certainly would have flipped, been hit by someone behind me, or my car would have hit someone in front of me. Either way, I would have: been killed or, given my medical history, been disabled for life. And, the same could have happened to any unsuspecting soul driving near my disabled car.<br />
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I went to another dealership. I test drove the car I thought I wanted, but the inner voice said, "Not this one." I test drove the car that I didn't know I wanted, and the inner voice said, "This is it." So, a blue rather than red car, but a beautiful, Swedish-crystal kind of blue.<br />
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<b>The messages, I believe, are these:</b><br />
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My prayer for a safe journey home, whispered in an Oklahoma City parking lot, was heard and answered.<br />
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The signs were there<i> in advance</i> that something about the transaction was wrong. I was wrong to let my logic override the signs.<br />
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What we <i>want</i> is never more important than the quiet whisper or urge within that <i>guides</i>. What we want is never more right, safe, or true than what this inner voice shares with us, especially when we have asked for our inner voice to be connected to the divine.<br />
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Life hangs by that single hair holding the mythological sword of Damocles. Moments, perhaps just <i>one </i>moment, stood between me and the end of my life. On a beautiful October day.<br />
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This blog is about grief and all that it brings. I cannot help but add this post to remind us all to stay in touch with the divine power that, however invisible, is as real as the hands at the ends of our arms, and to remind us that all life, <i>all</i>, is fragile, tenuous, and therefore, nothing is to be taken for granted or assumed to be ours for the long-term. For this reason, gratitude has every right to be our constant companion, no matter our circumstances.<br />
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I encourage you to read the<a href="http://ysabeldelarosa.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-shower-in-glenn.html"> <b>post I wrote after hearing actor Glenn Morshower</b></a><b> </b>speak about our inner "audibles." Grief is inevitable, but it <i>can also sometimes be avoidable.</i>.. especially when we listen to that special voice with no sound.<br />
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Grateful to be here. Grateful to share this blog space with all of you. Soon, more great writing to come from JD DeHart, Tasha Raella and Rejeanne Davis. Stay tuned! Be grateful. Listen to your inner voice.<br />
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<br />Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-86927379595161370692014-10-19T15:15:00.001-07:002014-10-19T15:15:19.284-07:00Courage and Company<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Many of this blog's posts are by writers who mourn someone they love. Those of us who grew up in/with families often forget that many die alone, that it is a great gift--sometimes even a luxury--to have someone who stays behind and mourns our absence. This mourning is a reassurance that we matter. Dying alone may make that reassurance hard, if not impossible to find. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am posting a link to a true story by author <b><a href="http://kentnerburn.com/kent-nerburn/about/">Kent Nerburn</a></b> that someone shared with me last week. I hope you will take a moment to read it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I have posted it because it hit very close to home. In fact, I know of someone to whom something very similar happened. She entered Hospice, elderly and alone. The difference is that in the case of the person I knew about, she entered alone because her family chose not to change previously arranged travel plans. She died with no family near. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Maybe, if we are very attentive, we can find opportunities to be as good to others as Mr. Nerburn was to this lady on this occasion. Or, we can offer daily prayers for people who make the transition with no other human holding their hand. Here's the story and information about the book it comes from. <b><a href="http://www.weboflove.org/060309cabride">The Cabride</a></b></span>Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-4932359038041846312014-10-05T17:01:00.004-07:002014-10-05T17:03:34.977-07:00Stolen Lives and Grief in the World<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Most days, the news is a source of grief and sadness. Some times, the news of tragic, untimely loss rises up in front of us, a living nightmare. I am grateful that poetry can serve as such a perfect outlet for the emotions we feel when this happens. This week, I am posting another poem by Liz Davies. She writes: "I was in South Africa on holiday just after huge storms had occurred. The bones of young girls who had been missing for a decade were found on the beach, very near their murderer's beach house. He had committed suicide. I had tears pouring down my face writing this."</i></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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___________________________________________________</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXEdCJUZAFSZFnERqTq31gQ6k-yPCuQu5Hiya39D7ZrM4v-TnsyNLM5QuAXL3Z43VwZsqVO2y9zRdrM4ZPDVSDHtB16hGD4e7s1VQrzpCLf0kbx9Uli7GqhGoeHwJBN6P00QlJZxxqgfc/s1600/998711-190.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXEdCJUZAFSZFnERqTq31gQ6k-yPCuQu5Hiya39D7ZrM4v-TnsyNLM5QuAXL3Z43VwZsqVO2y9zRdrM4ZPDVSDHtB16hGD4e7s1VQrzpCLf0kbx9Uli7GqhGoeHwJBN6P00QlJZxxqgfc/s1600/998711-190.jpg" height="297" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #999999;">Illustration, Kate Greenway, Dover Clipart</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Professor; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Liz
Davies</span></span><span style="font-family: Professor; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<br />
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">They have lain so long along and under
that wild coast,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Between grey sea, sky and undulating
foam-laced sand.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Their fair flesh has long since blended
into Africa,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">And their bones, bleached like shells,
lie unheard.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Those strong constant bones which should
have borne them,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Borne their babes, borne their loves in
future years,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Have been snatched and cruelly stolen;
the stolen years</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Have left but tears, and the hearts of
those who search</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">And wait have dried and aged, under
steady, deadly pain.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">But now the distant planets conspire
with moon and sea</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">To rage and pound, to lift the covering
sand, to free the silent bones</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">From the rocks beneath. The moon which
should have governed their lives,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Given them power and grace, shone on
their loves, laughter and passion,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Has led the searchers to these frail
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">And stars for shining hope on shattered
lives, and to the strong-fingered,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Returning sea for shifting, opening,
delving, lifting, giving back.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">The girls, the stolen girls will lie in
hallowed ground now,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Close by their childhood haunts; flowers
can be laid, prayers made,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">And headstones bear witness to their
brief, sweet lives.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">______________________________________________</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif";">Poem copyright Liz Daves, all rights reserved. </span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-7167760876951299572014-09-27T14:01:00.002-07:002014-09-29T09:27:31.062-07:00A Part of Forever<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I've given a lot of thought to what helps us through grief. Among the elements that serve us well are beauty and remembrance. One of the hardest things we feel is the continued missing of our loved one. It may change its form or intensity, but it is a piece of our new "forever." Our loved one has departed. Our missing will not cease. Liz Davies' poem is a remembrance beautifully expressed. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Although Liz's mother died when she was just eight years old, her</i><i> poem captures the child's view AND the adult daughter's view--with insight and beauty--not an easy thing to do. The poem leads me to wonder how my own mother would relate to my grandchildren whom she cannot know. And yet, I do know, as I believe Liz knows, as I believe Liz carries her mother's living spirit in her heart. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>That, as much as any kind of missing, is a part of forever.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75;">______________________________________________________ </span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Mother Years
After</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #244061; font-family: Professor; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 128;">Liz Davies</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Illustration by Kate Greenway, Dover Clipart Series</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I think of her now, years after,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How she would love to see us grow,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My children and I.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">See how I run to their aid, Mother,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And lift them with strong arms, on strong legs,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Keep them from harm like a mother tiger,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And hold them, bend down to them,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Laugh with them and tease them,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Touch warm skin, ruffle soft hair,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As you would have done,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Had you lived on.</span></div>
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I think of her on that last morning,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Alone in a quiet house with my father,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The little dog panting gently by the bed,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her life slowly lifting away in sunbeams.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Did she hope she would still be there</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When we returned from school,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Little brother and I, did she?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Or did she plead with Death to hurry,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To lift her away from the pain,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The worn-out body that bound her,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kept her from us while she slept</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her last year away. What would I have done?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> __________________________________________________</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i> Liz Davies writes: "My mother died when I was eight, and I miss her more now at 65, wanting to share my life with her." Liz lives in Cambridge, England, where her poetry appears regularly in </i>The Cambridge News<i>. I posted another beautiful poem by Liz about her father <b><a href="http://gettingalongwithgrief.blogspot.com/2012/06/our-fathers-many-legacies.html">here</a></b>. </i></span></div>
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-18354242664366700162014-09-21T17:29:00.001-07:002022-08-03T20:21:32.121-07:00Learning from the Roosevelts<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOiIdwe83rzhPlOpohsZRnMyNtBH_s1PhSunNLxCgQOfzLNBmzPeDgsZ9SEvYIry08ji8WRZQ-NJBKcJYRRaPdsFcUNthCpLST0c9rokyof70S5ldHC2VNEePzWZ3pSHckHabc-K1qM8M/s1600/3-s5148.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOiIdwe83rzhPlOpohsZRnMyNtBH_s1PhSunNLxCgQOfzLNBmzPeDgsZ9SEvYIry08ji8WRZQ-NJBKcJYRRaPdsFcUNthCpLST0c9rokyof70S5ldHC2VNEePzWZ3pSHckHabc-K1qM8M/s1600/3-s5148.jpg" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo, FDR Presidential Library</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ken Burns' team's seven-part documentary,<b> <a href="http://www.pbs.org/kenburns/the-roosevelts/">"The Roosevelts: An Intimate History"</a> </b>debuted this week on PBS. I can't recommend it highly enough. (You can watch it online at link above.) I believe it is Burns' finest work, and that's saying a lot. One of the first biographies I read in the third grade was about Eleanor Roosevelt. She died later that year. I remember clearly gazing at flags at half-mast and learning what that meant. She was my introduction to the Roosevelt dynasty. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In this documentary, history came alive for me. I re-learned and remembered how much I owe the two President Roosevelts. They are not objects of hero worship for me. No president is. Rather, they are objects of my admiration. These two men initiated much of what we now take for granted as fairness and social and economic justice in this country. Although both were born to great fortunes and privilege, they had a heart for serving and recognizing the needs of others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>About the Roosevelts and grief: </b>This blog has numerous posts about loss, most of which are about experiencing one loss at a time. One thing I learned to admire about the Roosevelts was their ability to persist in the face of multiple losses and the ensuing grief. Eleanor's father died when she was young, as did her mother. She and Franklin lost one of their children in infancy. Theodore Roosevelt watched both his wife and mother die on the same night. He had lost his father, "the only person to whom I told everything," years before. Franklin Roosevelt's mother died on September 7, 1941. In the next 48 hours, Germany dropped bombs on a US vessel and Leningrad was under siege. The day after his mother's death, Franklin was in his office, working under a burden of stress that, for me, is unimaginable. When John F. Kennedy planned to see Eleanor Roosevelt during a campaign trip, he learned that one of the Roosevelt grandchildren fell from a horse and died from her injuries the day before he was to arrive. Eleanor kept her appointment with the president-to-be. No one could know better than she how hard it would be for JFK to change his schedule. She also lived to watch her younger brother die, and said it was one of the hardest things she had ever witnessed. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoUEeTIq0YAojpv00463tPB2YQnCZYLoUGvfhJCT8idZOH8ntZqVFlqolrEZSHnvGclrrRT24NmYTycwl58U7XPPQ2KeQD-HUv8JHis3QjOELhvaJmBo5NbzOKk7QherdGtjvklcaCNWw/s1600/4-s8100.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoUEeTIq0YAojpv00463tPB2YQnCZYLoUGvfhJCT8idZOH8ntZqVFlqolrEZSHnvGclrrRT24NmYTycwl58U7XPPQ2KeQD-HUv8JHis3QjOELhvaJmBo5NbzOKk7QherdGtjvklcaCNWw/s1600/4-s8100.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo, FDR Presidential Library</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The loss of mobility that FDR suffered brought yet more grief into this history. FDR was cut down, literally, his legs taken out from under him overnight. He must have experienced intense, long-term grief over the part of him that was forever lost. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Theodore Roosevelt Collection, Houghton Library, Harvard University</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There is certainly evidence that grief drove Theodore Roosevelt to excesses. One has to wonder about his obsession with hunting, killing animals, and braving wars, necessary or not. In a time when the term "grief recovery" had not been invented, he sought physical outlets for sorrow, to stay not only occupied, but also challenged. The Harvard grad sought "solace" in the rough life of the Dakotas, proving his merit as a true cowboy. One disadvantage to his "therapy" was his inability to relate to his infant daughter after the death of her mother. Their relationship remained difficult, and the core of that difficulty lay in Roosevelt's first wife's death. I know, as do many readers of this blog, what it is like to want to block out grief, ignore it, not discuss it or recognize it. Roosevelt's first daughter Alice paid quite the price for this. On the other hand, she spent meaningful time with her Aunt Bamie, an amazing woman, cultivated, courageous, and wise, who deserves her own documentary.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo, FDR Presidential Library</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">After watching this portrayal of the Roosevelts, I feel encouraged and challenged to redouble my efforts to be a person who perseveres in the face of loss. In the documentary's final installment, Eleanor Roosevelt says, "One must live life as it comes." There is no other way. Grief will come to us...if we love. And we will be called to live both it and the life that keeps pressing on at the same time. We will be called to keep our heads when our hearts are broken and not forget those still living who need us and whom we need. Among many other interesting lessons, I learned this from "The Roosevelts: An Intimate History." As an American, I remain grateful for their capacity to persevere in the face of loss, to keep their heads (most of the time), and serve this country to the best of their talents and ability. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The world is better for it. </span><br />
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<br />Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-90125982663991934092014-09-13T14:28:00.000-07:002014-09-14T17:21:49.900-07:00The Respite We All Deserve<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I've written more than once about anniversaries of losses on this blog. People around the world just shared the anniversary of 9/11. It's an anniversary that I believe will not be allowed to leave us. As there are others that preceded it. That's as it should be... and yet...we all need and deserve respites, even at the heights and depths of the experience of loss and its memory. That's exactly what <b>Tasha Raella Chemel's</b> poem gives us. I deeply appreciate how she wove that bit of respite into the poem and her life experience. I trust you will, too. </i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Art by Kristin Hubick at <a href="http://www.retrocafeart.com/">RetroCafeArt</a></b></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On Sundays, my father would place
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">was the dial on a radio,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">who rose to a power she did not want,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">who died, gently, gently </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and he killed it with medical
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">corpse, I thought of ribs shattered like
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I heard the exertion of sickened lungs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My sleep was disturbed by the knowledge
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">that my father had the power to kill.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Granny Zip died the summer I was
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<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">_________________________________</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i><b>Tasha Raella Chemel</b></i></span></span><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i><span style="font-family: Times,'Times New Roman',serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> is currently a
master's candidate in Arts In Education at Harvard University. She enjoys
reading critical theory, seeking out the perfect chai latte, and over-analyzing
pop culture. She lives in Massachusetts.
</i></span></span> </i></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Poem copyright Tasha Raella Chemel. All rights reserved</span></b>.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Perpetua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Illustration by <b>Kristin Hubik, </b>all rights reserved. I was delighted to find this piece to go with Tasha's poem. Equally delighted to explore Kristin's website, blog, etc. for the first time. See more of her work on Facebook and at: <a href="http://retrocafeart.com/">RetroCafeArt.com</a>, <a href="http://krishubick.blogspot.com/">KrisHubick.blogspot.com.</a></span></i></span></div>
<br />Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-76806873306340593942014-07-16T17:03:00.000-07:002014-07-16T17:07:17.942-07:00Time for a letter<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">I cannot count the times someone has told me, "I don't know what to say," after a friend has lost a loved one. Sometimes it's better and easier to write than to talk. The mother of a young friend of mine died recently, after suffering from cancer for six years. My friend and I talked often about her mom's illness over the past four years. After appearing to be stable for a good while, my friend's mom suddenly went into hospice care and died a few days later. This is part of what I wrote to her:</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #741b47;">___________________________________ </span></span></i></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh87jZHl74xOJOBwlezM5Hl52Na8MtPC5XYa2fjio-XoQcE8o_1OBT4YhumTwylw44ksdQbERfPoHD5pehYkeMinxVlbOlWe2zGZ88DpWhwFhJB8bzobGo4GGvoKNM-KFBC9bjNgLlH7PA/s1600/delarosa+1908+Spanish+postcard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh87jZHl74xOJOBwlezM5Hl52Na8MtPC5XYa2fjio-XoQcE8o_1OBT4YhumTwylw44ksdQbERfPoHD5pehYkeMinxVlbOlWe2zGZ88DpWhwFhJB8bzobGo4GGvoKNM-KFBC9bjNgLlH7PA/s1600/delarosa+1908+Spanish+postcard.jpg" height="320" width="205" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "ClassGarmnd BT","serif";">Dear
friend,<br /><br />Right
now, I can imagine that life feels surreal to you and I encourage you to take
some time to "not be normal," whatever that may mean. Maybe it's a
day in pajamas, eating dessert first, or a day trip to the mountains. In times
of loss and pain, it is too easy to forget to look to the fullness of our life
experience. Of course you can and should feel that your mom's life was not long
enough. But was it full enough? I know that the answer to that question is a
resounding yes! And you were a central part of the fullness and
fulfillment of her life, as you will continue to be with and for your dad.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #741b47;">
</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "ClassGarmnd BT","serif";">Speaking
from experience, I think you will feel some relief that she no longer has to
endure the ravages of her illness, even as you wish she were still here. The
first thing I did after my mother died was throw away all of her medicine. In
the midst of my loss, I felt a sense of victory that I could literally trash those drugs and know that she would never again have to take them or suffer
their complicated and punishing side effects.<br /><br />You
will always miss your mother, but with time, the pain of that missing takes a
gentler, more bearable form.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
will, one day, reach a point where joyful memories outweigh the grief. In the
meantime…look, watch, listen for her “signs.” I believe that she will let you
know in some way what wonderful shape she is in now—in her new life. <br />Be
good to yourself!</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #741b47;">
</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "ClassGarmnd BT","serif";">Love,<br />Ysabel</span></span></div>
Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-9779170273027267192014-06-28T14:39:00.000-07:002014-06-28T14:40:56.440-07:00A Universal Logic<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Since the last post on this blog, I've been researching the history of some of the indigenous peoples of the part of the United States where I live. I've found multiple passages similar to this one, written by Ernest Wallace and E. Adamson Hoebel in their book, </i>The Comanches, Lords of the South Plains:<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"...the Comanches had an unwavering faith in a future existence. Their after world...was modeled after the imperfect reality of their everyday existence with all the disagreeable features absent, for all things were perfect." Another tribe held the belief that when fellow band members died, they would go to a heaven, where the deceased from earth would wait for those they left behind, and there would be a time when all would be reunited. These, among many other beliefs held by people in both pre-historic and historic times do indeed attest to a "logic of heaven," as J.D. DeHart refers to in this poem. Perhaps that is why belief in heaven--however you describe that state or place--has survived for thousands upon thousands of years: because it is so deeply, utterly logical.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
________________________________________________</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBn21l6y3XT2cRjk2oDFqGWHLdhKTZnhwrNNdaaWmlU9FPaSM6Yy6f2gWpW00OOcJzWZx_fGZHQIFPST6KJAlyPnGcnkWyVFehdOCQZgBIZoKcUF0flx-avukn4NxeaZHFRgSuu0SdAUU/s1600/DSC03506+ed2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBn21l6y3XT2cRjk2oDFqGWHLdhKTZnhwrNNdaaWmlU9FPaSM6Yy6f2gWpW00OOcJzWZx_fGZHQIFPST6KJAlyPnGcnkWyVFehdOCQZgBIZoKcUF0flx-avukn4NxeaZHFRgSuu0SdAUU/s1600/DSC03506+ed2.jpg" height="200" width="154" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span><b><br /></b></span></span></td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Fertigo Pro"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And we must all be part of
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0sT-WIrNvV9KNRyUoepPMI4BtyHVqB398aZSRJ14vhPgZaeZyPUvGmwWK4JrUHWhBH6SImcbvfpHI82Dwx2K2oZIj2MqPbJfBy65Brl5PFq4nQfWDYZmsir4hcN1O0gO5s2xMMMIlJQY/s1600/Ysabel+de+la+Rosa+for+There+Must+be+Heaven.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0sT-WIrNvV9KNRyUoepPMI4BtyHVqB398aZSRJ14vhPgZaeZyPUvGmwWK4JrUHWhBH6SImcbvfpHI82Dwx2K2oZIj2MqPbJfBy65Brl5PFq4nQfWDYZmsir4hcN1O0gO5s2xMMMIlJQY/s1600/Ysabel+de+la+Rosa+for+There+Must+be+Heaven.jpg" height="320" width="248" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></div>
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_______________________________<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Copyright J.D. DeHart, all rights reserved. </span></b> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">J.D. DeHart's work has recently appeared in <b><a href="http://eyeonlifemag.com/">Eye on Life</a></b> and <b><a href="http://ancientheartmagazine.blogspot.com/">Ancient Heart</a></b>. </span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Fertigo Pro"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-62046302169848407832014-05-22T11:43:00.002-07:002014-05-22T11:46:18.778-07:00Memorial Days<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>For many people, Memorial Day weekend is a time of holiday, gatherings at the lake, outdoor barbecues, celebrating college or high school graduations. For many others, it is a more somber time. All Saints Day seems easier on the heart, occurring in the autumn as the year winds down. Remembering lost loved ones at the heart of springtime is fitting in a way, dedicating a beautiful time of year as a time of remembrance. At the same time, it is the height--and depth--of incongruity to look up into the spring sunshine and then down upon the graves of fallen soldiers. As I look back on only the last decade, I feel stunned--and sometimes shamed--into silence, thinking of the sacrifices our military and their family members make. And deaths of loved ones are not the only losses they suffer. Their emotional, physical, spiritual and financial difficulties and challenges also often bring loss into their lives.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Although poet <b>Michelle Hartman</b> wrote this poem for her mom, it speaks universally to the experience of losing a loved one. Its title also speaks to what any military family member must feel when they receive the call that one of their own has fallen: <b>Early Departure</b>. Such deaths are always too early. Still, Michelle's poem reveals the secret to survival, a secret tucked in our hearts, our emotional and spiritual centers which remain actively connected to our loved ones. I can't explain how this works. I only know that it does. </i></div>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;">_______________________________________________________</span></div>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #632423; font-family: Professor;">Michelle Hartman</span></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">early departure</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
reached a stopping point<br />
in the melee of my life today<br />
and called you<br />
don’t remember now why<br />
possibly to say I love you<br />
as though it would be news<br />
or maybe it was to regale you</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">with
my latest bit of doggerel<br />
new piece of gossip<br />
but I’d forgotten<br />
you’d left sooner than expected<br />
leaving me with all those silly requests</span></div>
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made by those</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">left
behind on holiday<br />
a souvenir from the gift shop <br />
regional delicacy or salt water taffy</span></div>
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brittle and maybe a shell</span></div>
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also missed useless droppings of advice <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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only in the minds of timid homebodies</span></div>
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when you get there</span></div>
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warmly<br />
don’t talk to strangers<br />
all wise but unadventurous</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
dusted the box with your ashes<br />
did as you instructed and<br />
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">________________________________ </span></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Poem copyright Michelle Hartman, all rights reserved.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Michelle Hartman</b> is the editor of<b> <a href="http://www.redriverreview.com/">Red River Review</a></b> and her latest poetry book, published by Lamar University Press, is <b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Disenchanted-Disgruntled-Michelle-Hartman/dp/0985255250/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1358548906&sr=8-1&keywords=9780985255251"><i>Disenchanted and Disgruntled.</i></a></b></span></div>
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-18405871656523096192014-05-11T13:45:00.002-07:002014-05-11T20:23:38.610-07:00El legado de un gran amor, A legacy of love<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The following story comes from my friend, colleague and artist <b>Araceli Galiano</b> in Madrid. I believe that Mother's Day is also a time to honor grandmothers. It is a good time to remember, as Oprah Winfrey and others have said: "I stand on the shoulders of those who have come before me." Writer Araceli Galiano is the third in four generations of Aracelis. The name of her grandmother was given to her mother, to her, and Araceli chose to give it to her daughter. This story is just one of the reasons why it is important for them to keep this special woman's name alive. </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The story is fluid, impressionistic, y fuerte. Its simple telling reveals the tremendous inner strength of a woman who risked everything to marry the man she loved. The years that followed were years where an entire family learned from that kind of love and learned how to continue its true expression. </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #134f5c;">__________________________________________________</span> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>La historia que sigue viene de mi amiga, colega y artista <b>Araceli (Tati) Galiano</b>. Llamarla una historia de amor no es suficiente, aunque entre historias de amor, ésta ciertamente es una de las buenas. Es también una historia de sembrar, defender y legar el amor a generaciones. Hoy asistí a un servicio en una iglesia en donde la ministra dijo que nacimos del amor para amar. Esta es la clave a la vida; no los logros, la fama, ni lo que llamamos el éxito que viene del ganar una cantidad de dinero. Nacimos del amor para amar. Gracias a la primera de cuatro generaciones de las Araceli, tenemos aquí un ejemplo de la fuerza y dignidad que acompañan tal vida, la vida de amar.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;">___________________________________________________</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Amor desde siempre, hasta siempre</b></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTWK27o0o-Hi2iQNxnHScps9v_6x1vF8KCGhLqL_8MHHSe5Bp9ArYulNGLeOlRFDoKYSbVZ3O_Fg_3JMYr2_vyTlgWzAaj0Gq5lOT9fR4ij74S0GS8Kb7g2_5pfjc5-iiKePnDUr7_nmk/s1600/Abuala+Araceli+8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTWK27o0o-Hi2iQNxnHScps9v_6x1vF8KCGhLqL_8MHHSe5Bp9ArYulNGLeOlRFDoKYSbVZ3O_Fg_3JMYr2_vyTlgWzAaj0Gq5lOT9fR4ij74S0GS8Kb7g2_5pfjc5-iiKePnDUr7_nmk/s1600/Abuala+Araceli+8.jpg" height="200" width="195" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Abuela Araceli, Guerra Civil 1936-39</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Mi
abuela Araceli tenía unos preciosos ojos verdes que cuando se nublaba el cielo
se le ponían grises como un día de tormenta y cuando paseábamos por el campo le
verdeaban como si las hojas de los árboles se hubieran instalado en ellos. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Para mi bisabuelo fue la niña de sus ojos y
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">A
los 19 años, Araceli se escapó de casa y se casó con el corazón, y en contra de
su padre, con mi abuelo Jesús, un joven de su misma edad, un moreno guapo y
alegre hasta en sus andares.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVz8r199wmWivWfLgiKdTbCGaRI8HWcgssvDApC5jvk95i1p_5fNF6F3zsxgjKRMtiTSSEiBxdhYzwtILa9z711Knlg6COspNa3KAVqz724l5bUschAt3OOkOmv8Fa8DRiPwXuKuHKpPc/s1600/Abuela+Araceli+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVz8r199wmWivWfLgiKdTbCGaRI8HWcgssvDApC5jvk95i1p_5fNF6F3zsxgjKRMtiTSSEiBxdhYzwtILa9z711Knlg6COspNa3KAVqz724l5bUschAt3OOkOmv8Fa8DRiPwXuKuHKpPc/s1600/Abuela+Araceli+2.jpg" height="200" width="147" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">José, padre de Araceli</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Conocí
al bisabuelo y recuerdo su carácter fuerte y tiránico. Acostumbrado a mandar y
a que se le obedeciera, no pudo soportar que la niña de sus ojos se enamorara
por su cuenta, sin que él lo dispusiera. Queriendo romper las costuras<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>que la pasión<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>había entrelazado, dispuso encerrar a mi abuela en su dormitorio “hasta
que se le pasase el capricho”. Dio orden de que se le subiera la comida y que
no recibiera a nadie, ni siquiera a su madre y hermanos. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Pero
no supo calcular el bisabuelo la fuerza de su amor. La abuela rechazó la
comida, los piononos de Santa Fe, los tocinillos de cielo de López Mezquita y los
vestidos de París que le regalaba para que olvidara a mi abuelo. En su encierro
su amor fue creciendo y su obstinación también . Me hubiera gustado saber de
que color eran por aquellos días sus ojos.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2q9oNSX-qS1i1le2ekzYRT5ZY9jEM0Y2SKUY27SNwTS4SYUPFPWHP0QB4oDfLDOsK7cyLNwtWQ5X7NCdYt1CE2OMED_ZCIaS1FEiVyzfmN3NkGh9q4uPGcvq1DeRuy_r_K4lu6HQLfU/s1600/abuela+9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2q9oNSX-qS1i1le2ekzYRT5ZY9jEM0Y2SKUY27SNwTS4SYUPFPWHP0QB4oDfLDOsK7cyLNwtWQ5X7NCdYt1CE2OMED_ZCIaS1FEiVyzfmN3NkGh9q4uPGcvq1DeRuy_r_K4lu6HQLfU/s1600/abuela+9.jpg" height="200" width="130" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Araceli en el balcón de su casa</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Parece
ser que por medio de las sirvientas intercambiaba mensajes con mi abuelo y así
planearon su huída. “Les casó en secreto un sacerdote aquí en Granada” —me dijo
mi madre una noche de verano entre confidencias<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>y recuerdos. En la familia nunca se habló de ello, un sutil velo tapó
los hechos para evitar habladurías en una ciudad dónde todos se conocían. Eran
tan solo unos críos y la guerra civil se cernía sobre ellos. </span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Mi abuelo Jesús partió para la guerra y mi abuela se quedó sola, con mi madre entre los brazos, llorando. </span><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Tanto lloró que la casa se le inundó de dolor y fue entonces cuando aprendió a salir a flote sola</span></span></span>.</span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">El apoyo de madre y hermana</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0dOMaK4y3dQBac502Z-BLKMyhmxWoXdLrxf5kGoTc9FEW46PEdNS3FCC7ICprIaItNhQXiIoBAzgOZxs9S7eajai_M3oj3mTpl2d39ucbIzbdwxZM4mPq4nMZ8MqD0xnCLj5akurSoWQ/s1600/abuela+bebe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0dOMaK4y3dQBac502Z-BLKMyhmxWoXdLrxf5kGoTc9FEW46PEdNS3FCC7ICprIaItNhQXiIoBAzgOZxs9S7eajai_M3oj3mTpl2d39ucbIzbdwxZM4mPq4nMZ8MqD0xnCLj5akurSoWQ/s1600/abuela+bebe.jpg" height="200" width="156" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Abuela Araceli con su hija Araceli</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Araceli se
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estuviera sola durante los bombardeos. Me contaba la abuela que habían
preparado una habitación llena de colchones para protegerse las tres. Doña Estefanía,
“la pobre…”—me decía, salió de misa una mañana y le cayó una bomba <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a pocos metros de la Iglesia de la Magdalena y
la mató junto con un lechero y su burro con la leche en las alforjas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ese día también se le derramó el alma a mi abuela
que volvió a quedarse sola. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwSuBnAg19I3iH_-c1-3MSjYt7k4LK_kkE3savbClmWCIsVEgyl7KbR95pBbiV56cDf0VcItu-B2iVJEOtnO9c-cOsw8uizQwmzL1mYvte8HdrgjC8CHhy51Cn2F-4BOaSQc1WhecF91I/s1600/Abuela+Araceli+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwSuBnAg19I3iH_-c1-3MSjYt7k4LK_kkE3savbClmWCIsVEgyl7KbR95pBbiV56cDf0VcItu-B2iVJEOtnO9c-cOsw8uizQwmzL1mYvte8HdrgjC8CHhy51Cn2F-4BOaSQc1WhecF91I/s1600/Abuela+Araceli+1.jpg" height="186" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Araceli con Doña Estafanía, Granada</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Como
ya se le habían gastado todas las lágrimas con la partida de su marido y con la
muerte de Doña Estefanía, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lloraba en
seco, hacia dentro y rezaba pidiendo para que ésta pesadilla se acabara. Rezaba
cosiendo, rezaba cocinando la comida que su madre a hurtadillas le enviaba. La
prohibición del bisabuelo seguía en pié y siguió hasta muchos, muchos años
después. Sin embargo nunca oímos una palabra de reproche saliendo de la boca de
mi abuela, ni vimos un gesto de rencor en ella, aunque la pena la llevó siempre
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Fue
mi tía abuela Eloisa, su hermana, la que en el año 42 puso como condición a su
padre para casarse que hiciera las paces con su hija Araceli. El accedió, pero
no su arrogancia. Fue una conciliación carente de cariño, fría como el hielo,
distante y sin aprecio. Para entonces la abuela ya tenía dos niñas más y mi
madre tenía 9 años cuando conoció a su abuelo. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>El resto de mis tíos, cuatro más, nunca lo
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él. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgFSphUaVbrntEFHewnZX89egC2WqXfMwtPR-_xQ8NOKW98WkvzKNgC0ApPS1odwW4mfZOPq2trsK6KyPfH8Cc28iZqQJW1Omg9tykMECDNEox6iEImX_7nlpOEwrMjUFGPIijQGtpKt8/s1600/Abuelos+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgFSphUaVbrntEFHewnZX89egC2WqXfMwtPR-_xQ8NOKW98WkvzKNgC0ApPS1odwW4mfZOPq2trsK6KyPfH8Cc28iZqQJW1Omg9tykMECDNEox6iEImX_7nlpOEwrMjUFGPIijQGtpKt8/s1600/Abuelos+.jpg" height="320" width="217" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Araceli y Jesús</span>, <span style="font-size: xx-small;">en espera</span> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">de su 6º hijo Miguel</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Mis abuelos supieron llevar éste destierro con mucha dignidad y elegancia, jamás
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su amor que hasta el último día se tuvieron.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Un legado de comprensión, compasión
y dignidad</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Ahora,
con el paso de los años puedo comprender la fortaleza de mi abuela, como su
corazón pudo abarcar la pena <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>y con que
sabiduría, humildad y generosidad supo llevarla y crear una gran familia que le
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Siento
un gran orgullo de ser su nieta y de llamarme Araceli como ella, como<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mi hija, como mi madre, como mi<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dulce prima que está con ella en el cielo
cuidando de todos nosotros y la bisabuela. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW4kg0-pLUkTq0hh_FNpcpi4dC2t5H7FDliBEHjBuok8P1GlABHyWDoDQkW7XVScYfRuJIN33Op9_D6kycS-ES2S3cNK3kM-o-Dwoc3o6VaXMz2kszs4t8vlNCz3TuSB9b5sXS4eRtF5Q/s1600/Aracelis-1+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW4kg0-pLUkTq0hh_FNpcpi4dC2t5H7FDliBEHjBuok8P1GlABHyWDoDQkW7XVScYfRuJIN33Op9_D6kycS-ES2S3cNK3kM-o-Dwoc3o6VaXMz2kszs4t8vlNCz3TuSB9b5sXS4eRtF5Q/s1600/Aracelis-1+(2).jpg" height="200" width="140" /></a></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">La
abuela sigue teniendo unos hermosos ojos verdes en nuestros corazones.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">________________________________________________</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Nota de la redactora: </span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";">Las cuatro Aracelis. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>De izquierda a la derecha: Abuela Araceli, Nieta Araceli, Hija Araceli, e bisnieta Araceli. La luz y profundidad de los ojos de estas mujeres me dicen mucho que no se puede encajar en palabras solamente. </i></span></span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> __________________________________________________</span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPpMahKCV3ySet4NQ2HxjQg3YYuYKX46hctGU0bx2A7RLalBZIjQsCObN0VRZsdPOUr4sp9PlF6xZXOiTEHZG-cs3OYV8L6GKU7OmKhTZNIoxe8HI-MXX7pQAJfoSWC3_4rjgU1BCPRDg/s1600/tati+headshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPpMahKCV3ySet4NQ2HxjQg3YYuYKX46hctGU0bx2A7RLalBZIjQsCObN0VRZsdPOUr4sp9PlF6xZXOiTEHZG-cs3OYV8L6GKU7OmKhTZNIoxe8HI-MXX7pQAJfoSWC3_4rjgU1BCPRDg/s1600/tati+headshot.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Araceli Galiano es artista y escritora. Sus ilustraciones, <i>collages</i> y obras de papel cortado se han expuesto en varios sitios en España y vendido en varios países. Para ver ejemplos de su obra y otras cosas interesantes, visite su sitio web </span></span></span><br />
<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.tatigaliano.com/"><b>Tati Galiano</b></a><b> </b>y su blog </span><a href="http://laviajeramaslenta.blogspot.com/"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">La viajera más lenta </span></b></a></span></span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Texto y fotos, copyright Araceli Galiano, 2014. Todos los derechos reservados.</span></b></span></span></div>
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<span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-31573112095394693442014-05-06T14:06:00.002-07:002014-05-06T14:09:40.627-07:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>There is always a great turning and turning over at work in nature, of death going into life and vice versa. It helps me to remember that this is natural, not foreign; beneficial, not ultimately destructive. Troy Sims takes us into this turning, gently and with insight. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="background-color: white;">__________________________________________________________ </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #632423; font-family: Professor; line-height: 115%;">by Troy Sims</span></span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEeojd8Kk-W_lu1TrNDK_tmsy463QC3XqzYeYWGY2MHogsgjaLV4OFWnfFma7TIhGRi1_8tw-r48fWfSg4ZG2uDd9RnbEc11BuPhB09lCdgvZGyRJX8H27iuRDcwu9aGqPc2IhSpGHlFg/s1600/green+hands.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEeojd8Kk-W_lu1TrNDK_tmsy463QC3XqzYeYWGY2MHogsgjaLV4OFWnfFma7TIhGRi1_8tw-r48fWfSg4ZG2uDd9RnbEc11BuPhB09lCdgvZGyRJX8H27iuRDcwu9aGqPc2IhSpGHlFg/s1600/green+hands.png" height="200" width="185" /></a></div>
<br />
When I was about 4, we moved “out to the country,” and my
parents wanted to grow a garden. The problem was that the soil at
our “new” house was hard, white clay that even grass and weeds had a hard
time growing in, so my parents went to work to make it more fertile.<br />
<br />
First, Dad had the area plowed and then he tilled it by hand. Next
we took our food scraps, week after week, to spread over the
garden-to-be. Man, did it stink! I hated when it was my turn to take the
scraps out, wishing I had a 10-foot pole to hold the bucket far
from my nose! We spread the ashes from our fireplace
all over scraps, too.<br />
<br />
We did this for years, but it made this less than fertile ground a
place of abundant growth – not to mention a garden that yielded tasty veggies! The once hard,
white clay became rich, brown soil. From death and ashes, new life burst forth.<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Lent is a time of preparation for new life to come on Easter. A Lenten
practice I encouraged the families of the church I serve to take part in
was to plant something together and care for it with water and sunlight
(noting that they didn’t have to use the stinky food scraps unless
they just wanted to). “Together,” I advised them, “you can watch new life
burst forth from the dead ground (or dirt in a pot) in anticipation of
the new life of Christ that burst forth from the grave on Easter.”<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
My family had done this last year. I remember well the excitement my son Micah showed because he had been given a
“kit” that included dirt, a cup, and a lima bean. We planted it, and
EVERY morning, one of the first things Micah wanted was to
see if his plant had grown yet. We kept it watered and made sure it got
lots of sunlight. It seemed to take forever, but eventually something
green began to protrude from the lifeless dirt, making Micah all the happier.<br />
<br />
It didn’t take long before it began to have more form, and though it
had been years since I’d seen a lima bean plant, I couldn’t help but
think that this did not look one. The more it
grew, it became clear that it wasn't. It was a stalk
of Johnson grass – a prominent weed in Texas. Fueled by Micah’s excitement, though, we continued to check on
it, water it, and make sure it got plenty of sunlight. Before you knew
it, we had a 1.5-foot tall Johnson grass plant. The lima bean never appeared.<br />
<br />
As I think about the life of faith, it takes a lot of practice and
effort to make that life fruitful. How often are we disappointed that what
grows is not what we expected or wanted?<br />
<br />
I was certainly disappointed. I
wanted Micah to have a chance to eat lima beans that he grew
himself as I did as a child (even though I didn't really like them!). <i>Yet, Micah was not disappointed at all.</i> He had grown
something. Maybe that is all that was needed.<br />
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I wonder what this experience tells us:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
about having a child-like faith, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
about giving up something for Lent, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
about resurrection and new life.</div>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;">________________________________________________________</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Troy Sims</b> earned his Master's of Divinity degree from Brite Divinity School in Fort Worth, Texas. He has served on the church staffs of several Texas churches and was a deacon and Christian Education minister at First United Methodist Church in Wichita Falls, TX, from 2005 to 2012. If you're interested in lively, thoughtful, progressive discussion on Christianity today, I highly recommend his blog, <a href="http://lovinggodwithallyourmind.com/2014/04/growing-into-new-life/">Loving God with All Your Mind</a>. Text copyright 2014, Troy Sims.</span>Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-21738053020824558652014-04-14T15:35:00.002-07:002014-04-14T15:35:33.379-07:00Anniversary Fever<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp-_Vthz6waJLdFXphFMRL5ModBXUKyOhNac3UYyWUKYc7aMoOv8JqeAiv1KUpNydQVLVwGPDtqjODA8YHRSjnWKa7_9RJ2POtmcQSzLAnjEcEyHZ05EPmTbcuANuXrTQ19Yk8nmHW8bM/s1600/body.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp-_Vthz6waJLdFXphFMRL5ModBXUKyOhNac3UYyWUKYc7aMoOv8JqeAiv1KUpNydQVLVwGPDtqjODA8YHRSjnWKa7_9RJ2POtmcQSzLAnjEcEyHZ05EPmTbcuANuXrTQ19Yk8nmHW8bM/s1600/body.png" height="228" width="320" /></a></div>
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I've written posts related to this subject before (see below), but recent experience has returned me to the topic of "Anniversary Fever," of how and when <i>our bodies</i> grieve. I've found this pattern to be most clear in the first one to two years after we lose a loved one. Sometimes, you find yourself feeling unwell on the monthly anniversaries of a death, funeral, event. Other times, it's the year-long mark or the birthday of someone who no longer celebrates that birthday here with us. I used to think that, after some certain period of time, the body would no longer experience these glitches. I was wrong.<br />
<br />
The son of one of my lifelong friends died 12 years ago. Although we lived in separate countries at the time and neither of us knew what was occurring in each other's lives, her son's funeral occurred the same day that I left my home and experienced a loss so strange and painful that it simply cannot be brought into a public sphere.<br />
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Six months after those losses, my friend and I reconnected. We make it a point to discuss "the date," now, even 12 years later. On March 26 of this year, she went to the cemetery to place flowers at her son's grave and clean the grounds around it. She went to the cemetery feeling fine, and half an hour later, she didn't. The next day she had a full-blown sinus infection. On the anniversary of her son's death, her husband experienced a knee problem "out of the blue," with nothing to be found as a "cause." On March 26, I awoke in the middle of the night with sharp, shooting pains in my legs and severe muscle spasms in most of my body. There was no physical reason for the midnight spasms. Also no reason for them to cause me worry. The date was reason enough for all of it.<br />
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I cannot explain this. I can only affirm that the body has its unique way of working through grief. Some of the grief recovery literature points to the lungs as an organ that stores grief, and I have indeed seen that many people suffer respiratory infections more frequently during the first year after a loss. But this is just one anecdote among many. Anniversaries may bring tears, illness, discomfort, nostalgia...but the one thing they are is <i>insistent</i>, as though the physical body is saying, "Let me have my say. Let <i>me</i> work through this grief, one more time, and one more time again." <br />
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These anniversary reactions appear inconvenient, counter-intuitive and counter-productive. I have learned that, despite the passing of time, there are simply some anniversary dates when I know it is unwise to schedule an important meeting or take a trip. Even if symptoms don't appear, my energy level is likely to be considerably lower than normal. I used to think that by being aware of the date in advance, I could avoid a physical response to the anniversary, and perhaps, in some instances, I have. Or perhaps, I have made that physical response easier to manage.<br />
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You have likely heard any number of things about Tantra in the media. It has some points, though, that have nothing to do with any celebrity's sex life and everything to do with real life. One of these is the doctrine that "the body is a vehicle of truth." Again, I don't completely understand this, but I see the doctrine at work all the time. And I certainly see it in grief-related anniversaries.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2CKT81J4diDq2J2DaFW9DWDDcVpBDRrkoumL5eEfFHEu43cCO-kqTexrpeJf-4NfXoW30B6uHIUT8DfiRXkPbvmOGGHo2497IcwHFLocjMpAc46er19BhgMtdzbCWHvX8Xag8kyAWYFY/s1600/synapse.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2CKT81J4diDq2J2DaFW9DWDDcVpBDRrkoumL5eEfFHEu43cCO-kqTexrpeJf-4NfXoW30B6uHIUT8DfiRXkPbvmOGGHo2497IcwHFLocjMpAc46er19BhgMtdzbCWHvX8Xag8kyAWYFY/s1600/synapse.png" height="150" width="200" /></a>I encourage everyone to be conscious of these anniversaries. I believe they are some kind of crossing-point or rite of passage that, in spite of the temporary pain they cause, are vital to our "getting along with grief." Perhaps they are as mysterious as death itself. Perhaps I will never fully understand why anniversary "symptoms" occur or what purpose they serve. For now, I can simply say that I choose to be conscious of them, that I prefer consciousness to lack thereof, and that I choose to see them as progress and a sign of my own wholeness...a sign that all of me lives all of my life. It occurs to me that I can use that consciousness in some way, choosing to remember that loved one, choosing to share memories of them with others, sending a memorial donation in their name to a favorite cause. These, among others, are "symptoms" I can choose and celebrate, even as my body works to release a yet-dissonant chord from my life's score.<br />
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For earlier posts on this topic, see:<br />
<a href="http://gettingalongwithgrief.blogspot.com/2011/04/not-so-happy-anniversaries.html">Managing Anniversaries</a><br />
<a href="http://gettingalongwithgrief.blogspot.com/2011/06/building-on-changes.html">Building on the Changes</a><br />
<a href="http://gettingalongwithgrief.blogspot.com/2011/07/so-many-seasons-in-one-month.html">So Many Seasons in One Month</a>Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-58245058888497012712014-04-10T15:06:00.000-07:002014-04-10T21:22:40.007-07:00Mom and Mother's Day: Call for Submissions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Risking the sin of obviousness, I am issuing a call for <b>submissions about moms and grandmothers</b>, as Mother's Day approaches. Tributes, poem, photos, essays are all invited. What did your mother and/or grandmother teach you that has stayed with you? <br />
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My grandmother taught me a lot. One of eight children, by the time she reached her forties, she was the only surviving member of her family. She never spoke to me about any personal grief. She did, though, share some instructive phrases with me that I think came from her own grief experiences. <br />
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One night when I faced a great loss, I spoke to my grandmother on the phone, and she said, "You know, honey, sometimes it's just better not to think."<br />
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At the time, I thought her words were simply cute and endearing. Time passed, a time during which I also faced the loss of my grandmother. I cannot begin to count the number of times her phrase has revisited my mind and helped me through a tough moment. "Sometimes it's just better not to think."<br />
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What did your mother or grandmother make better for you, lead you to think about? Submissions on this theme are open through May 15. See guidelines at right for instructions.<br />
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-10771412740225276392014-03-28T09:52:00.000-07:002014-03-28T09:52:03.215-07:00A slightly longer distance<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Ascension's Robe by Ysabel de la Rosa</b></td></tr>
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Anna and I met at a conference in the Rocky Mountains some 30 years ago. She was the first stranger I ever allowed to hug me. I moved to Denver a year later, and our friendship grew. Even after I left the Mile-High City to return to Texas, we stayed in touch.<br />
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Anna was the first friend of mine to lose a child. Her 23-year-old son died of melanoma. During his illness and death, she faced numerous other traumas. There were complications with her son's insurance. The medical bills mounted. Her job did not pay much. The same week her son died, the bank came to take her car away. Her "personal" banker knew her situation, but cut her no slack. She had to move out of the town home where she had lived most of her adult life, had to abandon the place that held her family's "aura" and resonant memories of her children. During the time that Anna and I were in touch, she went through a host of losses, including her mother, ex-husband, a brother, a sister. One of her sisters had already lost four of her five children. Another sister and her father had died some years ago.<br />
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While her son was ill, I called her long-distance every day. This was before cell phones, Internet, or free long-distance calls. I called her every day for two years. She needed to talk as much after he died as she did before. So, every day we talked.<br />
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Time passed. Anna met a wonderful man and remarried. I spoke at the wedding. The wonderful man had a heart attack and died a year later. Anna then completed graduate school and became one of the country's finest grief recovery counselors. She was brilliant, compassionate, connected. Determined not to be stopped by grief or sorrow, she survived it all with pragmatic elegance. When there was emotional homework to do, she did it. When there was getting-on-with-life to do, she did that--with grace and a winning smile. In fact, as I see her again in my mind's eye, I would also say that she had a healing smile. When Anna smiled, her green eyes gave off sparks of light, and seeing her smile, I always felt closer to healing. I'm sure others did, too.<br />
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We did not visit often after I moved overseas. When I returned to the States, I had losses of my own to face, and the most I did to keep our communication going was to send Anna a Christmas card every year. In 2012, the card was returned. And in March of 2013, she died. I learned of her passing just yesterday.<br />
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There was a time when I would have indulged in intense self-flagellation (aka beating myself up) for not having done more to stay in touch with Anna these past few years. But I had my own set of circumstances to deal with, and staying in touch was not on the urgent agenda. Anything not urgent slipped far down the list of things to do. No one would have understood that better than Anna.<br />
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Anna and I used to talk about writing a book together. We were going to title it <i>A Friend Through Grief</i>. We didn't write it. We lived it. And I have tried to continue to live this concept. Since the death of Anna's son, I have shared in the process of eight other friends losing children. I never imagined I would know that many people in my own life who would lose a child. I was often grateful for what I shared with Anna, and she with me, at the time of her son's illness and death. It served me well. I believe that it made me more helpful to those other friends, and I know that it served, as Anna herself would say, as modeling behavior. It showed me <i>how</i> people survive the unthinkable. Her journey and her choices inspired, even admonished me to keep going at times when I thought I couldn't. My experience with her made me lose any fear I had about approaching someone who has lost a child. I know there is no right thing to say. I also know the wrong thing to do is to let that not-knowing turn into absence when a friend is most in need.<br />
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I would have liked so much to speak with my dear friend before she moved on to her next life, but I am grateful to be at a stage in life where I know that she is just a slightly longer distance away than she was when I dialed her number every day for two years. I know she knows I love her. I even think she conspired with some other "force" to make it happen that I would learn of her death on the first-year anniversary of her passing.<br />
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I have spent the past 24 hours savoring memories of our shared times. I am allowing this new knowledge of her death to bathe me in gratitude for knowing her while she lived. Yesterday I received a lovely, newsy email from a dear friend in Italy. She wants us to have a conversation, she wrote. I will call her this weekend, feeling especially grateful for this opportunity to call a number, hear the lyrical voice of a sister-friend, and be in touch.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Text, copyright Ysabel de la Rosa, 2014.</span></b>Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-58410114881072456052014-03-16T18:55:00.001-07:002014-03-16T19:21:36.950-07:00Not a Sad Blog<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrIGccWKNFqJqfmLgvQtSnR3SKzHzTKZwLD9nbA_naUrdwzZMt9kdbsTis-7q88Pu1NitU78KYIje_ZzIPxfmi6sHsZ06OMyEfYMZfZqVtdcqMooB5___0KSKoegqVxDU5D9Y6Xg_q9C0/s1600/DSC_2298+crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrIGccWKNFqJqfmLgvQtSnR3SKzHzTKZwLD9nbA_naUrdwzZMt9kdbsTis-7q88Pu1NitU78KYIje_ZzIPxfmi6sHsZ06OMyEfYMZfZqVtdcqMooB5___0KSKoegqVxDU5D9Y6Xg_q9C0/s1600/DSC_2298+crop.jpg" height="159" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #666666;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></span></td></tr>
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I invited a friend to visit this blog a few weeks ago. It was her first and will most likely be her last visit to Getting Along with Grief. "It's sad," she said. "I prefer to celebrate." Her words set me thinking. Last week I visited my childhood home town. Like cinnamon and vanilla in a cake recipe, these two elements--her words and my recent trip--have seasoned my thoughts for a few days.<br />
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I grew up in a rural Texas town that had lots of potential, but was short on folks with vision. One visionary that did live there was my college art professor. I vividly remember looking at his drawings for the beautiful and architecturally significant place he believed that our town's 19th century "square" could become. I remember the light in his large, blue eyes as he talked about that vision. He did everything he could to share that future with others, even looking for funding sources. This was the 1960s in rural Texas, though. His dream was not realized in his lifetime, <i>but</i> it is alive and well today. I walked the square and saw my teacher's dream completely come to life. People were walking everywhere. There are two wine-tasting venues on the square now, antique stores, art galleries, day spas, restaurants--with lines of people waiting to get in. The church pictured at right is the church that my teacher and his family attended. Today it is part of the "restored" downtown he imagined. Could I experience all this with joy? Of course. Did I feel grief? <i>También.</i> Grief that my teacher was not physically present to see his dream come true. Grief that his vision was not understood in his lifetime. Did the joy outweigh the grief? Yes, it did. <i>Was I sad? No. </i><br />
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I have been reading a great book by Dr. Bill Stott and John Lee, <b><u><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Fire-Experiencing-Expressing-Appropriately/dp/0553372408">Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately</a>.</i></u></b> It is an excellent book, and I highly recommend it. Much of what they write about anger also applies to grief; above all, this: <b><i> It needs to be expressed. </i></b><br />
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<b>Emotion has motion inside. </b>It is meant to move. If we dam a river at the wrong spot, there is hell to pay. This blog is here for the sake of expressing e-motion, and to help us move and then move on--productively. Just as anger, properly recognized and expressed, can motivate us to make important changes, expressing grief can free us to unblock the rivers inside us and keep life flowing within us.<br />
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Maybe this expression can do more than keep us moving, maybe expressing our grief(s) can free us to find new kinds of happiness. My <i>comadre</i>, whom I also saw on my trip "back home," lost her son in a car accident 12 years ago. I remember meeting that beautiful young man as a babe in arms. Then, two decades later, he was gone. Last weekend, though, I got to see my <i>comadre</i> with another baby: her first grandson. What fun we had with him and he with us! Even at four months, his intelligence and sense of humor is evident. Watching him observe the world around him was, as it so often is with infants, a miracle moment.<br />
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My friend and I still talk about her son. We always will. We will always grieve him. And somehow that expression helps us open the door to this new joy, this new boy, this new wonder. I can't explain how it does this, but I can experience it. And be grateful.<br />
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Grief is part of the tapestry, but only a part. Expressing our grief does not have to add sadness to our lives just as, Dr. Stott and John Lee explain, expressing anger does not have to bring destruction into our lives, if we can express it appropriately. Blocking such expression, however, <i>can</i> lead to deep sadness that holds us back from living life to the fullest.<br />
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I hope this blog's readers will understand that this blog, unlike so many others published today, is not about opinions, "likes," debates, or publicity. It is simply, and importantly, a safe and aesthetic "place," for expression of that deep and difficult emotion that life brings us: grief. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #666666;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></span></td></tr>
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On my trip to my childhood home, I walked through the park where I spent many enchanted hours on the banks of the San Gabriel River. The river is more beautiful than ever, and I felt the same sense of wonder at age 59 as I did at age 9, looking at the roots of the trees that grow by its banks, gazing into the clear spring water that feeds into the river, and touching the odd rock "shelters" constructed around the springs. Much has happened in those five decades, including many losses, and yet, the river flows. The river--not the same river, as Herclitus wisely told us--but the river and its flowing remain, alive as ever.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Ysabel de la Rosa</span></span></td></tr>
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So, here's to getting along with grief...to its healthy expression, to loss lived, joy embraced, and the beauty that finds us along the way. Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731609869495769715.post-42519185999929378542014-02-25T18:52:00.002-08:002014-02-25T19:02:37.543-08:00An Invitation<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">As we grow, we often meet our own parents more than once. We know them first as supervisors of our nonverbal lives, then as teachers, later as individuals. Sometimes the lessons we learn from them may be costly, other times those lessons may be life-saving. As you read this essay about Donal Mahoney's father, it would be a good moment to remember the ways in which you "met" your father or mother. This essay reminds me that no generation can stand tall, if they have had no shoulders to stand upon. We all owe something to those who have gone before us--and endured.</span></i></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">____________________________________________ </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #4a442a; font-size: 18.0pt; font-variant: small-caps; mso-bidi-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: background2; mso-themeshade: 64;">Meeting Dad Again </span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #215868; font-family: Professor; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: ArialMT; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: accent5; mso-themeshade: 128;">by Donal Mahoney</span><span style="color: #215868; font-family: Professor; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: accent5; mso-themeshade: 128;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My father emigrated from Ireland to the United States in the early 1920s.
He had been released from Spike Island by the English who "occupied"
Ireland at that time. Spike Island was the "Guantanamo" of that era,
located just off the coast of Ireland. It was there the English warehoused
prisoners of the Irish Republican Army (IRA). </span><span style="mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My father had been imprisoned by the English at age 16 for running guns
through the marshes of County Kerry to aid the rebels fighting to free Ireland
from the rule of the English. Young Irish lads were recruited for duties like
this because they would be less apt to be captured by the English—or so the IRA
thought. My father was not coerced into doing this. He volunteered for the duty
and would have done it again if the English had not insisted that he and other
prisoners leave Ireland as a condition of their release. </span><span style="mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">On arrival in America, he found work as a grave digger in Brooklyn, New York.
Later he boxed professionally and sang in night clubs that catered to Irish
immigrants. After he married, he moved with my mother to Chicago where he was
hired by the Commonwealth Edison Company. There he spent almost four decades as
a lineman, often working as a troubleshooter who was called out in the middle
of the night when a storm knocked out the power. He liked this work and was
very good at it, or so I was told by his peers when I visited him in the
hospital. They had gathered in the hall outside his room after he had survived
an electrical accident that occurred high on a pole in an alley. He survived
12,000 volts, an incident that got his name in the Chicago Tribune. </span><span style="mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">In January 2012, decades after my father had died, my wife discovered a
photo of him on the Internet. It showed him as a prisoner on Spike Island,
circa 1920. He was a farm boy, poor as the chickens he fed when he was a child,
but the English dressed him up nicely for the photo that accompanies this
story. Perhaps they didn't want his age to show and to a degree they succeeded
in that. You would think that they had treated him well, but they broke both
his legs with rifle butts and let him sit on an earthen cell floor for a long
period of time. </span><span style="mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">In the photo, my father is in the first row, third from the left. He is
identified as “J. O’Mahony,” which was the family name until he became a
citizen of the United States. On that occasion, the judge suggested he change
his name to "Mahoney," which was "more common" in the
United States. My father agreed to the change but it was a decision he would
rue for the remainder of his life. More than once he told me, "I should
never have done it but I was a greenhorn, what did I know?" </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHG0btqUU4qHKt0y4NTCW0smfjTTDLXoGGY2vyVrhVSL6yR-EeV07X7v4dCIpe65EcZrJDAd2TjWFxGOJihrpIfxxl1lO3SHDFUH1N7zaOsQQ_umVwuI4DJLzfISc92hyiB7OZU7Hrjzo/s1600/Republican_Prisoners_At_Spike_Island-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHG0btqUU4qHKt0y4NTCW0smfjTTDLXoGGY2vyVrhVSL6yR-EeV07X7v4dCIpe65EcZrJDAd2TjWFxGOJihrpIfxxl1lO3SHDFUH1N7zaOsQQ_umVwuI4DJLzfISc92hyiB7OZU7Hrjzo/s1600/Republican_Prisoners_At_Spike_Island-1.jpg" height="310" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #444444;">The young Mr. J. O'Mahony is third from left, front row.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My poem, “Meeting Dad Again,” was written many years later after my
father and I reunited in Chicago briefly after he had been out of my life for
awhile. His two years on Spike Island as an adolescent had taken a
toll. He suffered from post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) before that
ailment had been identified and named. Despite this problem, however, he
was a sober Irishman who labored hard in Chicago for decades to save money to put
me through college. His goal was to make certain that I would never have to
"work with my hands." He didn't have to worry. I can operate a hammer,
but have no manual skills beyond that. </span><span style="mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My poem records our reunion when my father, back in town unexpectedly,
phoned me at work and, to my surprise, asked that I meet him for lunch. He
suggested a cafeteria that was then a Chicago landmark. No fancy restaurants
for him, even though in retirement he could afford a touch of the posh. I can't
remember for certain, but I doubt that he let me pay the check. He knew that I
had bills as the father of five stair-step children. </span><span style="mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">The lunch went well. Conversation was light. I did not ask him where he
had been or what he had been doing, and he asked only pleasant questions about
me and my children. He showed no mood swings to indicate that he had once
been a guest of the English, a confinement that affected him far more, I
believe, than absorbing 12,000 volts. The voltage crippled his hand and gnarled
his arm, but the English crippled and gnarled his nervous system. On this day,
however, he was in fine fettle, as he liked to say. This time he was more
interested in seeing me than my report card. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"> __________________________________________________</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQNYop48skkbrw7EyEb1FvCbuPtlUXT5ckc-cFfNqxzGh-4CYPW8Eb6HbFzs3-mrlG_YXRaDtVSeljqN8K1KGGM3yR8Lc27TNY4e5ickGC0zqd0CRX4sJV56Gm-tfMLCjlWa-yvgTtyKU/s1600/one+half+toffenettimatchbookdf1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQNYop48skkbrw7EyEb1FvCbuPtlUXT5ckc-cFfNqxzGh-4CYPW8Eb6HbFzs3-mrlG_YXRaDtVSeljqN8K1KGGM3yR8Lc27TNY4e5ickGC0zqd0CRX4sJV56Gm-tfMLCjlWa-yvgTtyKU/s1600/one+half+toffenettimatchbookdf1.png" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: background2; mso-themeshade: 64;">Meeting Dad Again</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Thirty years later, Dad came back</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">and we met for Ham and Yams at Toffenetti’s.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Pouring his tea, he told me he had</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">to restore power once</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">at a newspaper warehouse</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">and the storm broke again</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">and the lightning cracked his ladder.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">He spent the whole day, he said,</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">sitting in that dark warehouse,</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">waiting for the lightning to stop</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">and for the truck to bring a new ladder.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">He had a great time, he said,</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">sitting next to a flickering lantern</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">and reading for hours the Sunday comics</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">printed and stacked</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">six weeks in advance.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">______________________________________________________________</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> Nominated for Best of the Net and Pushcart prizes, <b>Donal Mahoney </b>has had poetry and fiction published in various publications in North America, Europe, Asia and Africa. Some of his earliest work can be found at <a href="http://booksonblog12.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">http://booksonblog12.<wbr></wbr>blogspot.com/</a><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span></div>
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Ysabel de la Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910334847393791581noreply@blogger.com0